Finding the Path Home
by badkfare
Summary: Sequel to OADaWP. "How did we get here? I can see the pieces she left behind like a puzzle. She broke my heart but I sit here waiting for the chance to see her face again. I have to know what happened in the hopes that maybe it will bring her home."
1. Prologue: Dear Edward

**New year, new story! I am excited to bring this one to you and I hope you will give it a chance. The first half will mostly be told from Edward's POV with the other characters adding their thoughts along the way. This first chapter is short but I promise the ones to follow will get longer. **

**I don't have a beta so please forgive any mistakes you find. If anyone is interested in being my beta, I would be greatly appreciative! **

**Disclaimer****: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. (C) badkfare 2011**

**Enjoy! **

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**EPOV **

**March 5****th****, 2010**

I'm sitting here completely numb. I know that I should be feeling a million different things right now but I think all of these emotions are coming together at once making me feel numb. The plastic seat is starting to become a part of me as I sit waiting for news. I can see activity moving in and out of the room as nurses and other personnel try to work. I have been starring at that door for so long; I think I have every aspect of it memorized.

I can hear a few conversations going on around me but the dominate sound in the hallways is sobbing. I tare my eyes away from the door to look at those around me. Alice is a mess in Jasper's arms as he tries to hold it together for the both of them. Emmett looks devastated as Rosalie tries to hold the big guy up. Esme and Charlie are leaning on one another as my mom rubs circles on Charlie's back as he tries to hold back the tears. Mike and Jessica are talking to the Quileute boys as Leah comforts Jake.

All of these faces love the girl fighting down the hall but none more than me. I turn back to the door where my father is fighting to keep her alive while I try to remember how the hell we got here. I try to think about the last time I actually saw my girl and I can't remember. It's an awful thing to admit but then again, lately all we seem to be is shadow of our former selves. I look back and it breaks my heart to see how far Bella and I have fallen.

I didn't think I would ever recover from losing her. That day in the hall; the look of hurt and devastation that I put there broke everything in me. What followed after that became one nightmare after another. All the choices I made were to get back to Bella but it seems that all her choices kept us further apart. I'm not even sure why I'm here but I also know there isn't anywhere else I would rather be.

Another nurse enters Bella's room and I can hear the commotion. There is a frenzy of movement as people work frantically to put Bella back together again. I saw the car on my way to the hospital and apart of me has no idea how my brown hair angel survived. I know the other two didn't and for that I couldn't be happier. At least that part of this nightmare is finally over. I know I shouldn't be happy about the loss of life but trust me when I say, they had it coming.

"Edward? Is there anything I can get you?" Tanya's sweet saccharine voice fills the space as her hand covers mine. My body tenses under her touch. It feels foreign and wrong.

I shake my head knowing that anything I put in my stomach wouldn't be staying for long. I keep my eyes on the door but I can feel eyes on me. I look around to see Rosalie and Alice glaring at me. I can feel Tanya's hand rubbing circles on my back and I don't have the strength to respond to either of their silent insinuations. Tanya has been a new addition to my life and one that hasn't really been welcomed.

"Edward you haven't eaten anything in almost twenty four hours. Please let me get you something," concern fills Tanya's voice as her grip tightens on my hand.

"I couldn't eat right now if I wanted to but thanks," I offer a weak smile as I turn my eyes back to the door.

Tanya sighs loudly but I can't be bothered. I know what people think and I know what she wants but the truth is, everything that I am is in that room. I have nothing left for anyone else including myself. I think about my girl and the way we use to be. I close my eyes to take me back to when my life couldn't have been more perfect. I long for those days.

My fingers moving slowly through her mahogany silk as her soft full pink lips move over mine. Her small delicate hand running through my messy hair while the other hand moves over my back. Her warmth and softness wrapping around my body as I pull her closer to me; never close enough. My hands move over curves as a small moan leaves her. Her eyes, the key to my home starring into mine showing me all the love she has for me.

I close my eyes as the ache in my chest threatens to rip me apart. I feel a breath trap in my chest as I lean over to try and regain my composure but it's slipping quickly. I have been utterly lost without her and now the idea of never getting her back leaves me swimming in a black abyss. I don't know what more I could've done but now I think I should've done more. My breathing returns to me as Tanya leans over to tell me how concerned she is and how she thinks I should leave with her to get some rest. I fight the laughter inside me. There is no way in hell I'm going anywhere.

"Why don't you go home and I will call you later," my tone is flat and cold but I really can't stand her presence.

"I don't mind waiting," her bright smile makes my stomach turn as she moves further into me.

"Tanya I really think it would be best if you just went home. There's nothing you can do here and I would like to be left alone," my tone leaves no room for argument and I watch her smile fall.

Tanya looks around the room as she retracts from me. I can see the anger moving over her features but I could care less. I think about how she has done nothing to make anything better just worse. I pull my hand away from hers as she straightens and reaches for her bag. Tanya looks around the small area and is met with glares and grimaces. She knows she's not welcome and now her irritation fills her body language.

"Fine then I'll go." Tanya leaves quickly and the only sound of her departure is the clicking of her heels. My body relaxes slightly as I look back to the room.

Bella has been here for almost twenty four hours. When she was first brought in she was rushed to surgery. My father worked through the night to patch Bella up before moving her to her room. For a few hours Bella was stable before coding. Every time they were able to get her stable it wasn't for long. My dad has been trying to get her medevaced out of here but Bella can't seem to stabilize long enough for transport.

I can hear movement behind me as I turn to see Ben walking with a distraught Angela who is carrying a messenger bag that looks like Bella's. I can hear her trying to speak but she's too overcome with her sobbing to be coherent. Ben whispers in her ear as Angela takes a minute to calm her. I can see her struggle as she opens the bag and removes a rubber banded group of envelopes.

"I have something for each of you…I was told…She wanted me to…," with that Angela collapses with tears. My mother moves to comfort the poor girl as I look at the envelopes.

A few minutes pass before Angela composes herself.

"Bella wanted me to give these out if…Something…Happened to her," she snivels before her and Ben walk around distributing the envelopes.

Everyone gets one and my heart is in my throat as I see the pile diminish and I still haven't received one. I can see everyone's hesitation to open their envelopes while I pray that my girl has something to say to me. Ben finishes with his pile as Angela gives out her last one. My heart drops as I realize there isn't anything for me. I can feel everyone's eyes on me as I look down the hall to Bella's room. I fight through the pain and betrayal while tears fill me eyes.

"Edward?" Angela's small voice brings me back as I take deep breathes to calm the storm brewing in me. I wipe my eyes as I turn to look at the petite girl next to me. "I have something for you."

Angela reaches into the bag to remove a shoe box. I look at the box as Angela places it in my hands. I look up at her as she wipes tears from her face. "She made me promise…no matter what to give you this."

I give Angela a weak smile as she stands to walk over to Ben. I can't take my eyes off the box but I hear her voice. "I'm so sorry Edward."

My hands are shaking as I try several times to open the lid. I close my eyes as I take several deep breathes. I open my eyes as I look down the hall again as another nurse hurries into the room. I open the lid and look inside. I am overwhelmed with what's inside. Pictures of my life with Bella; some I have seen but many I haven't. I move through them as the tears stream down my face. On the side I can see several envelopes. I grab the one closest and read the front.

READ FIRST.

I open the envelope trying to bring myself closer to Bella. There is a picture in with a letter written by her hand. I look at the photo and I can't fight the sob that breaks through. It's a close up of Bella and me as she kisses my cheek. We both look so happy. I open her letter with a shaky hand as I start to read.

_Dear Edward,_

_I write this knowing that there isn't anything I can say that will make up for the wrong that I have done. I made a promise to you that I had to break and you will never know how much I hate myself for it. I never wanted to hurt you and it breaks my heart to see the pain that I have caused you. You have to know Edward that you are my everything; my heart and soul. You are my past, my present and what I always wanted for my future. _

_I never felt more complete then when I was with you. You gave me the greatest gift: you. I always knew how safe and loved I was in your arms. Who would've thought that you pulling on my pigtail all those years ago would lead us here. Years of laughter and love has given me the greatest life. Thank you for being you and getting that spitball out of my hair. My hero, my love. _

_I know you have a million questions and I hope that I can answer them for you. From the start of this I had a haunting suspicion that I needed to write this all down. I may not have been able to let you in on what was going on but I never intended for you to be left in the dark. Everything I did, I did to protect you and our family. I need you to remember that when this is all said and done. _

_I have written a series of letters. I wrote them as everything went down so that you would know what happened. Please don't be mad as you learn more about went down. There were people that helped me along the way and I asked them because they were the furthest people from you. If you want to be mad, leave it with me. _

_I wish I was with you going through these letters. Actually I wish I was telling you this in person. But I'm not so this is what I leave behind. _

_I love you Edward with everything that I am._

_Always, Your Bella. _

I couldn't stop the onslaught of tears that ran down my face. I reread the letter two more times before I looked around the room to see the others all crying. Bella never intended on surviving this ordeal and this was her goodbye. I held the letter to my chest as I moved the box to the seat next to me. I thought for sure that I would spill the contents on the floor. I look at the picture again as the door to Bella's room flies open.

"Code Blue, Code Blue."

My heart stops as I see my father running down the hall to Bella's room. This can't be how it ends. The door doesn't close all the way and I can hear the frantic voices working together.

"Still no pulse, another shot of Epi."

I get up out of the chair and move to the door. I have to see her. I have to tell her that I love her and to stay with me.

"I'm losing her."

Bella.

"Clear."

The defibrillator goes off as everyone in the room looks to the heart monitor. Nothing. Flat line.

"Bella!"

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**Nothing like a little drama to start off the show! Please let me know what you thought. I'm not above bribing with a teaser to the next chapter to those that will grace me with their thoughts. **

**I am going to be updating on Fridays, Saturdays at the latest. Hope everyone has a great weekend!**


	2. Journal Entries

**Happy Friday everyone! I want to start off my saying that to those of you that did review and let me know what you thought; I really do love hearing what you have to say. I did get alerts and favs for this story and I really appreciate those as well!**

**To clarify, the first chapter is the prologue. I am trying something new. Bella was the person who went through this but with her down the hall fighting for her life, her letters and journal entries will speak for her. Her entries will be dated and italicized. I have also written them like first person account instead of a normal "dear diary" format. We will be bouncing back and forth in time…Please, please let me know if this gets confusing.**

**The first journal entry is Bella's version of the last chapter of On a Dark and Wooded Path. **

**There is a lemon alert…if this isn't your thing go to the (*) and skip down till you find the other (*). **

**Once again I do not have a beta so if you find mistakes, forgive me. I do try and catch them but sometimes they sneak past me. Again if anyone reading this with experience wants to be my beta, I will be really appreciative!**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. © badkfare 2011**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**March 5****th****, 2010 - EPOV**

Hard, cold ground.

My head is throbbing and I can hear muffled voices.

I realize I can't see anything and I try to move but feel something holding me down. I can still hear still hear the commotion going on down the hall but I can't figure out why I can't see anything.

"Edward? Can you hear me?" My mother's frightened voice moves through the fog in my head and I slowly open my eyes.

I'm on my back looking up into all the concerned faces of my friends and family. Emmett removes his arms as Charlie tells the others to give me some breathing room. My head throbs and I realize I must've blacked out and hit my head. I remember moving to get to Bella's room but someone stopped me from going in.

Bella.

I sit up faster than I should and pay when I am overcome with dizziness. Mom crouches down in from of me while looking at my head. My eyes immediately move to Bella's door which has become eerily quiet. I try to stand but feel hands keeping me down. I look behind me to see the chief's grave face.

"Take it easy son," Chief's voice is gravely. "You won't do anyone any good to end up in a bed yourself."

I nod before turning back to my grief stricken mother. I want to ask if there's any news but I know there isn't any which I guess is a small consolation. I look over to the seat next to the one I was in. I can see Bella's box and I move my hand towards it. My mom sees my movement and gathers the box before handing it to me.

I feel hands under my arms before I am hoisted into the air and placed back into my seat.

"Try and stay sitting this time little brother," Emmett pats my shoulder before returning to his seat next to Rosalie.

I look inside the box and notice for the first time a journal nestled in with the letters and photos. I remove it as I hand the box back to my mom who is now sitting next to me. I open the journal and see the date July 18th, 2009. I bring my hand to my head to feel the small knot starting to form on my forehead. I ready my stomach and my heart to read the words of the girl fighting for her life down the hall.

_All week I have felt off since I'm not speaking to Edward. I know the next time I talk to him I want to really be able to talk without me barricading myself behind my new makeshift wall I have started to build. I thought I would work through today and then talk to Edward tomorrow. Apparently Edward had different plans. _

_Sound asleep; I heard a noise that startled me. I jump out of bed to find Edward on the ground in front of my window. I listened carefully to see if his antics had woken my dad since I have no clue how to explain how Edward got into my room, not that Charlie would hear a single word before kicking Edward's ass. I glare at Edward as he gets to his feet and begins trying to apologize. I listen as Charlie snores loudly and I thank every god out there that he could sleep through an atomic bomb going off. _

_We talked and I start to skim the surface of what's boiling inside of me. I don't want to overwhelm Edward; hell with my luck I would bare what's left of my soul and he would take off for the hills. A guy can only take so much emo in one girl. His touch soothes me and his words of love comfort me into believing that we might have a chance of getting through this. Then Edward pulls me onto his lap and I know this guy could make me believe anything. _

_I give him the notebook and watch him carefully as he flips through the pages of our past. I only wrote up until I visited him in Chicago. I couldn't go any further than that. I mean one day I might try but something about writing about the darkness just seemed too difficult. I wanted him to have my words on the moments that have defined our relationship and even though his trip and our distance made us so much stronger, it also led to James._

_Watching his face I felt a need in me so deep that I had to ask him to stay with me. Having Edward under me, in my room, on my bed made me crave him even more than I thought possible. The look on Edward's face seals my resolve. I reluctantly climb off his lap as he texts someone. When his eyes find me, I can't fight the burn in me as he looks up and down my body. I try to steady my breathing as he joins me on the bed. _

_Edward lets me take the lead and it quickly escalates to my hand on his erect member. I can tell you I have dreams about this and I thank god that Rosalie made me suffer through a very graphic but necessary conversation about the male anatomy. To be honest, my hand on Edward's body was liable to get the finished result but the fact that I could do it quickly meant I have some skills. Right? _

_**(*)**_

_Edward collects himself before giving me a look and telling me it's my turn. I am so geared up at this point that it's not going to take much to push me over the edge. I mean his hand on my breast while his thumb circles my nipple almost did the trick. Edward's hand leaves my breast before I feel it on my stomach. I can see the nerves on his face as he plays with the hem of my shirt._

_I lean in and kiss him trying to give him all the courage I can. I can't imagine what he's feeling since I was a wreck and I had guidance. This is completely uncharted waters and where most couples jump straight to sex; we were going to take a different route. I don't want the same story as all the others; as funny as it sounds I want the movie version. What better way then to get to know one another's bodies. _

_Edward's fingers leave the hem of my shirt and are now trailing the waistband of my pajama shorts. Can I tell you how happy I am that it's a warm night. I pull away from his lips as I stare into his eyes. I give him a nod as Edward's hand moves under the band of my shorts and I have to fight every urge to pass out from just the anticipation. Edward's hand progress until a look of panic comes across his face. _

"_I have no idea what to do Bella. Help me," his pleading eyes melt me as my hand joins his. After Chicago I started to explore my body so I know how to help the situation along._

"_There is a spot right here," our fingers find my clit as a moan escapes me. I close my eyes as the start of my blush quickly dissipates with the pleasure Edward is now providing. _

_Edward takes his time discovering this new area as he tries different patterns and rhythm. I try desperately to keep quiet but this is too much. Edward kisses me trying to silence me but the dual sensation of his fingers and his tongue is too much. Edward pulls his hand away and I nearly scream at the loss of contact. I glare at him as he laughs quietly._

"_If you don't keep it down your father's going to kill me," his smirk knocks me over as I narrow my eyes at him. _

"_If you don't keep going I may just call him," I try to keep a straight face but I fail miserably as I am overcome with giggles. Edward leans in and kisses me before moving his hand to my aching bundle of nerves. _

_I close my eyes as I fight the need to moan. Edward's fingers begin to circle my clit as the burning in my abdomen starts. I'm panting while Edward watches the effect he's having over me. He leans down and kisses me passionately as his fingers gain speed. My hips move on their own trying to cross the finish line. _

"_I'm so close."_

"_Cum for me my love," his whispered words in my ear are the final straw as my body crests. I lean into Edward's lips as I moan out my release. _

_Edward keeps moving his fingers until I stop them. I'm so sensitive I almost yelp from the contact. I smile at him as his hand trails up my body till it's resting on my side. My eyes are heavy but I keep looking at Edward in complete disbelief of what we just achieved. Edward lays on his back before pulling me to him. _

_**(*)**_

"_I love you Edward." _

"_I love you too Bella." _

_Edward stayed the night with me in his arms and I couldn't think of any other way I would want to spend my nights. In fact if this is a preview to our future, then I can't wait for it to begin. _

I could feel the tears fall from my eyes and I couldn't fight the smile at remembering that night. I also was conscious to keep the journal entry somewhat closed since I am sitting between my mom and Bella's armed father. I looked over at her door waiting to see my father, to hear the words that Bella was back and holding steady.

But the door didn't open.

_July 21__st__, 2009_

_Self esteem is the villain to any teenage girl. I sit feeling completely overwhelmed as I glance in the mirror trying to come to grips with my new reality. My scars have faded enough that I'm not going to have Charlie pay a ridiculous amount of money to have them removed. I mean if there was actually a single person in this small town that didn't know the story behind them then it might be worth it but sadly I have been the center of gossip for the last couple of weeks and trying to erase the past isn't likely to occur. _

_I look in the mirror and I try to recognize the person looking back at me. I thought I knew exactly who I was but the reflection is a complete stranger and I'm not sure I like what I see. The reflection has circles under her eyes, her face is pale and her clothes are hanging a little looser then they should. Charlie has been really sweet about not saying anything but I know my appearance is starting to worry him. In fact I even caught him talking to Carlisle and Esme about me and I couldn't help but want to pull further into this hard shell I am building around myself. _

_I am struggling, fighting desperately to stay in the shallow end of the pool but the current is too strong and I am constantly being dragged to the deep end. I watch as the water engulfs me and my limbs are too heavy to break the surface. In the darkness I relive the events that have shaken me to my core. The events that are my constant nightmare and the events that has created the reflection in the mirror. I look at her and am instantly angry that I can't overcome this. I have survived a lot and I know with a little bit of time I too can survive this. _

_A knock at the door breaks me out of my internal self mutilation as I turn to meet a pair of delicious green eyes. There isn't anything on this planet that comforts me more than this budding young man. I immediately feel whole when I walk into his embrace as I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding. His hands on my lower back send a current through my entire body and I can't help but feel brought back to life by his very presence. I smile up at him as his lips find mine and the only thought left in my head is __his__. _

_Edward kisses my forehead before taking my hand in his and leading me out of my room. We make our way through my empty house and outside to Esme's car. I greet her before climbing in the backseat. Edward finally got his permit and has to have a certain number of drive hours before he can get his license. I can't wait till Edward gets a car of his own. I can only think of the possibilities. Edward checks all his mirrors and goes through his routine before starting the car and driving us to his house. _

_The drive is short as I look out the window and tune out the conversation between Edward and Esme. I don't like to admit it but it's something of a habit these days. I have no attention span or maybe it's I have a hard time caring. I mean I love these people, they are my family but something in me is broken and I have no idea how I can pick up the pieces to put my once seemingly perfect life back together. We arrive at the Cullen's house and I can't fight the chill that runs through me. _

_I get out of the car and my hand immediately finds Edward's. After several conversations Edward knows how difficult it is for me to be at his house and having him connected to me in this way gives me a little added incentive to get through the door. I take a shaky breath as one foot in front of the other leads me into the living room surrounded by the chaos that is my family. Emmett and Jasper are loudly battling it out while playing Halo while Alice flips through her latest fashion rag. I smile at her before taking a seat on Edward's lap._

_Emmett gets more and more frustrated before he throws his controller down and storms out of the room. The four of us laugh as Edward reaches down to pick up the abandoned controller. I slide off Edward's lap and take the seat vacated by Emmett. I pick up a random magazine as Jasper and Edward enter into the next game. I flip through pages finding nothing of interest before setting the magazine down. _

_I look across and see Alice watching Jasper before she glances at me. Alice before this whole nightmare started was my best friend but now I'm lucky if I can get her to actually have a conversation with me. In fact her moods have been so erratic that I have even distanced myself from Jasper when I noticed Alice glaring at me. I know I should talk to her about what's going on but I throw it in the bag with the rest of the things I have to do once I will myself to care. _

_I smile at Edward before getting up and moving into the kitchen. Emmett is eating something that looks like raw meat. I laugh at him since most people would take a walk or deep breaths to calm themselves but not Emmett; every one of his emotional upheavals can be solved with food. I watch as Emmett devours the last of his food while I get a glass of juice from the well stocked fridge. Emmett swallows and wipes the remains off his face before breaking into a brilliant smile. _

_Emmett is an amazing sound board. I know by looking at him you wouldn't think that but there's something about being a silent observer that gives him a wisdom that most people wouldn't know. We talk about Alice and the distance between us and how it's also put distance between Jasper and I. He tries to give perspective but I know that the only resolution will come from Alice herself. I know the day will come. _

_I ask Emmett about Rosalie and this is the only time that I see the gentle giant fall. I know Emmett is still beating himself up about what happened to Rosalie even though Jasper and I have told him time and time again that we all make our own decisions and Rosalie's choices are what lead her to where she is. But my heart does ache for the big lug._

I remembered that day. Bella was going through her zombie phase where she wasn't eating or sleeping. I took her to our meadow in the hopes of reaching her but sadly it lead to a weekend that seemed to kick off this whole awful situation.

**July 21****st****, 2009**

**EPOV**

I hate this. I fucking hate this entire situation. I have been living in a delusion that once I got my memory back that everything would fall into place. But sadly the only good thing about regaining my memory is now I know why my brother can't seem to let our sister out of sight without some sort of panic attack; or Alice who walks everywhere since the thought of getting in a car causes her to hyperventilate. Looking at what's left of my Bella sitting in my lap disappearing in front of me really is the most unbearable part.

Carlisle and Esme have all three of us seeing a therapist in Port Angeles twice a week; which is quite a trick since Alice practically has to be knocked out for the hour drive just to make it the doc's office. The drive home is good since the shrink has talked Alice off the ledge but any other improvement is slow. To be honest, whenever it's my turn all I do is talk about Bella and how I can help her. I want to make this all go away but I have this awful feeling like something more happened that she's not telling anyone.

I can't push. I tried that one day and I paid dearly with three days of silence. Whatever I do I feel like Bella retreats further from me. I'm losing her and the feeling of being helpless is driving me crazy. I look around me and I feel like I should be falling apart or suffering like the others but I'm not. I talk to Carlisle about it and he thinks that we all deal with trauma differently and my ability to cope isn't a flaw.

"I have this reoccurring nightmare. I am coming downstairs and I see you and you are walking out the back door to come here and I follow you. I walk across our meadow to find you in the arms of someone else. And the worse part is that when you look at me it's like you don't even recognize me, like I don't exist," my voice finishes in a whisper as my hands move to Bella's face.

"You are my world Bella and right now something is happening with you. I'm trying…" my voice fades as I see that Bella is far away and nothing I say is going to reach her. My heart breaks as I shake my head and loosen my grip on her waist. After a moment Bella looks in my eyes.

"Can you take me home now?"

There's no emotion in her voice and nothing behind her eyes. I feel the air leave my body as I nod slowly. Bella gets off my lap and stands next to me waiting for me to stand. I take a moment before getting to my feet. I lightly take her hand as we walk back to the house. My body feels like I went through a plate glass window. Everything hurts as each step gets me closer to my house.

How did we get here?

How did this happen to us?

One minute I was home with the girl that has the other half of my heart and soul and the next I am looking at a shadow of what our lives use to be. I keep the rage at bay as I try to focus on Bella but the pain is making me want to curl up and cry like a small child. I look at Bella and see that she's somewhere in her head. I can't even begin to say how badly I want to shake her, to bring some sort of emotion across her beautiful vacant face.

Bella enters the quiet house as I leave her to find my mom. I find her in her study. One look at my face alerts her that something is wrong.

"Edward? What's going on?"

"Bella…" I take a breath to steady myself. "Bella wants to go home."

My mom says nothing as she comes around her desk to wrap me in her arms. I don't tell my parents everything but my mom is just as concerned as Charlie and I are about Bella. In fact talk of an intervention has been mentioned a few times especially since Bella's appearance seems to be getting worse. I let a few tears fall as my mom reaches for her car keys.

"I will take her home, you stay here," my mom's voice tries to comfort me but nothing is going to do that.

My mom leaves the room and I listen as she collects her things and Bella before leaving the house. I watch as my mom pulls away with my heart next to her. I am overcome with emotions as I leave the study to make a beeline for my room. I pass Alice and Emmett on the way to my room. Both give me concerned looks but say nothing as I quicken my pace. Once in my room I close the door and throw myself on my bed.

I can't decide if I want to scream or cry. I could do both but the testosterone in me is fighting the tears every step of the way. I bury my face in my pillow and start to scream. I grip the pillow with my fists as I start to pull at the innocent material. I need to make something feel as awful as I do. My screaming keeps up for a few minutes that I don't hear my door open. I am unaware until I feel the bed move.

I take a moment to collect myself before I look up to find Alice and Emmett starring at me in concern and love. I feel the tears now fighting their way out as I loosen my grip on my pillow. The silence is too much and I am vaguely aware of my brother's and sister's hands on me. I look at them hoping for something, anything but their eyes look just as pained and lost as mine.

"What do I do if she can't come back from this? This isn't my Bella and unless I'm touching her…I can't get anything from her. I mean there are moments when she lets herself laugh or just be and I catch a glimpse of her but then she's gone before I can enjoy her," my voice is broken as Alice takes my hand.

"Why won't she let us help her?"

"Because there isn't anything wrong with her," my brother's voice shocks both Alice and me. "I don't know about you guys but I don't know how I would be if I went through what she did. And to go to therapy and ask for help is pretty big."

"But Bella needs help I mean have you seen her lately? She keeps going on the way she has and she's going to be the living dead," Alice's tone is nasty as Emmett and I glare at her. "What?"

"Did you know that she's not talking to Jazz right now?" Emmett's voice has an edge to it as Alice looks away from both of us.

"What about it?"

"Did it ever occur to you that maybe Bella needed her friend?" my voice snaps at her as she stands to look at both Emmett and I.

"Look I need Jasper right now and it's important for him to be there for me so don't try and guilt me into this. Bella has plenty of people to support her right now," Alice folds her arms across her chest as her voice softens. She looks guilty and I feel a little bad for her.

"I was talking about you Alice. I watched the both of you today and you couldn't even bring yourself to say two words to her. Since when do you not have something to say?"

"I'm just so angry Edward and I'm having a really hard time not blaming Bella for that. I mean I know this wasn't her fault but I need someone to blame. I'm a horrible friend but I'm really struggling here," Alice's eyes fill with tears as she moves to Emmett's side.

"How are you doing Em?

"I'm ok. I mean I'm healing and going to the head doc and soon I will be joining the team for football practice. Life is getting back to normal for me but it's hard to see all of you struggling," the gentle giant comforts his sister as he looks at me.

"How did we get here?"

**ESPOV**

Looking at Bella's face breaks my heart. The dark circles, her gaunt sullen face, and her thin body make me want to wrap my arms around her and tell her everything will be alright. Even though, right now it doesn't look that way. I have never seen Bella like this and having to watch Edward and Charlie worry about her makes me want to fix this whole situation.

I escort Bella out of our house and to my car where I start the short drive to her home. I keep looking over at Bella but the same vacant expression we are all too familiar with is looking out the window. I reach over to take her hand and she smiles briefly before turning back to the scenery outside.

"How come you're heading home early today? Something happen between you and Edward?"

"No, I just feel like going home. Edward didn't do anything," her voice is cold.

"Do you and Charlie have any plans for the rest of the summer?"

"Nope, he's finally back doing his regular routine and I couldn't be happier. In fact he's going to be fishing this weekend with Harry."

"Do you want to come over this weekend and stay? We could go camping out at Salt Creek," I try to coax her to be involved with the family but I watch as she retreats further inside herself.

"No I have plans this weekend. Maybe another time," her voice is final as she turns from me.

I pull up in front of the Swan residence and am greeted by Charlie getting out of his cruiser. Bella nods before exiting my car and walking towards her house quietly. Charlie walks over to the car and gets into the seat vacated by Bella. We watch Bella walk in and disappear from sight as Charlie sighs loudly.

"How was she today?"

"I'm bringing her home early. She didn't say goodbye to Edward today…Charlie we have to do something," my voice is panicked as Charlie looks at me.

For the first time I look at Charlie's face. He looks as bad as Bella does as his shoulders slump forward in the seat. He looks like he's aged as the grey peppers his hair and mustache. A moment passes where Charlie looks at his house before turning back to me.

"I don't know what to do Esme. I mean every night since I got her back she wakes up screaming and crying for help. I had one night where I actually slept through the night and when I woke up I went to check on her immediately to make sure she was still in the house," Charlie's voice breaks as he's overwhelmed with emotions.

"She needs so much more than any of us can give her but she's now shutting everyone out. I thought Edward would reach her but if she left today without saying goodbye…she's disappearing Esme. Little by little my daughter is slowly becoming a ghost," Charlie breaks on the final word as tears stream from his eyes.

I can do nothing but comfort him with my hand. I let him have his tears and his moment as I look over this whole situation. Something has to reach Bella. It's not possible that she has gone to a place where none of us can reach her. Charlie takes another minute before composing himself. He takes my hand before looking me in the eye and I can see the plea of a desperate father looking for help. I nod before giving his hand a quick squeeze.

"We aren't giving up and you aren't alone in this Charlie. We all love Bella and we will do whatever it takes to bring her back to us," my voice quivers as I try to keep my emotions calm. I know when I get home I can collapse in Carlisle's arms but for Charlie I will be strong.

"Thank you Esme. I will be seeing you," Charlie clears his throat before getting out of my car. I watch him walk into his house before pulling away and making my way home.

In the car I call Carlisle to make sure he's on his way home. I need him after the talk with Charlie. I normally am strong for those around me but watching Charlie fall apart like that, so fearful for his daughter is just too close. These last couple of weeks has tested my beliefs as I have had to watch all my children struggle. In fact my inability to take all their pain away is almost unbearable. If it wasn't for Carlisle I don't know how I would make it from day to day.

Edward is on the front porch waiting for me when I pull up. I can see that he's been crying and my heart breaks. My strong son smiles at me as I exit the car. I pull him into my arms and feel his muscle relax as I hold him. It's like when he was little and he'd run into our bedroom after a scary nightmare. I try to soothe him but I know there's nothing I can do but hold him.

"How do I help her mom?"

"Edward you can help Bella by loving her and remaining patient with her. You thought Chicago was tough well sadly that was nothing. We can't force help on Bella, she has to want it for herself. So give her space and when she can she'll come back to you," it hurts my heart to say it but I can't let Bella take my son down with her.

"Are you saying I should break up with her?" his voice is a mix of anger and sadness.

"That's not what I'm saying but Edward where Bella's going you can't follow. Your father and I plan on supporting and helping Bella as best we can but I refuse to lose you to her darkness. So fight for her but don't follow her," I keep my voice strong as another part of my heart breaks.

Edward hugs me again before walking into the house and up to his room. I have watched him fall in love with Bella over the years and I know that losing her would devastate him. In fact I look at this situation and my fear is that we all might lose a part of ourselves with Bella. I silence my sobs until I can make it to my room where I can fall apart in private.

I open the door to see Carlisle sitting on our bed. I close the door and immediately move to his open arms. The tears surround me as my love comforts me. I can hear him humming to me to soothe my frazzled nerves as I cry harder. I pull back to look at his beautiful and stoic face. What would I do if it was Carlisle?

Carlisle's eyes plead with me to tell him what's happening. I take a moment to regain myself before taking a deep breath.

"How do we move forward?"

**March 5****th****, 2010 – ESPOV**

I watch Edward holding Bella's journal as if it's somehow keeping her alive in the room down the hall. This entire situation will have catastrophic effects on my family if Bella doesn't come through this. I have no words for the emotions and the exhaustion plaguing me. I try to comfort Charlie and Edward the best I can but I know that if Bella doesn't…If she doesn't pull through, I have no idea how we will move forward.

Please god, please don't take our girl away from us. Please give us the gift of time and allow us the opportunity to right the wrongs that have occurred over the last few months. Please allow my husband the knowledge to fix what's broken and my son the ability to become whole once again. God, we love this girl more than you can know…Please don't take my daughter away.

Renee, if you can hear me, please help us to keep Bella a little while longer. I know it sounds selfish but we still need her. I don't know if Charlie will survive her loss, a part of me knows we won't. Please, please, please just give us time.

Amen.

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**It's a sad way to end a chapter but I promise to make up for it with the next chapter. Did I confuse any of you? I know when I reread through this, it made sense to me but my mental status is always questionable! :P **

**I want to know what you thought so let me know and again, if you do, I will give you a teaser to the next chapter! **

**Till next Friday, have a great weekend!**


	3. Cliff Diving

**Happy Friday!**

**Is anyone out there reading this? I wanted to thank cmoody74 for her review of the last chapter and I really do appreciate it and I hope you like this one as well! **

**This chapter turned out to be longer than I had originally thought but there is some good stuff in here. We are going to be moving forward in time but I'm still branching the two stories and catching up with everyone. We start off with some fun before getting to the heart of emo Bella. Bare with me, we're setting the stage.**

**I have some story recs for you guys: I Never Knew by nerac. This is a great story and she updates weekly. After a phone call from a stranger turns her life upside down, Isabella Dwyer realizes that the people you trust the most sometimes tell the biggest lies. Can she convince a man in uniform to help her discover the things she never knew? Definitely check this one out!**

**Last Tango in Forks by AwesomeSauce76. I can't say enough great things about this story. Bella Swan has spent a lifetime putting everyone else's needs before her own. Could a chance encounter with a mysterious stranger begin to change all of that?**

**And lastly: Rapture by AydenMorgen. This story has it all: action, romance, humor and some pretty hot smut with an amazing plot line! In the blink of an eye, her ballet career ended. His as a DEA agent is now on the line and lives are at stake, but when they meet on the dance floor, nothing even compares. Can they work together to stop the Volturi or will rapture tear them apart?**

**If you guys have any stories I should be reading please, PLEASE let me know! I am always looking for something good to read!**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. © badkfare 2011**

**Enjoy!**

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**BPOV**

_July 21__st__/22__nd__, 2009 - Cliff Diving_

_Watching the look of disappointment on the faces of those I love nearly rips my heart out of my chest. I mean I know I am lost but there is something else that I haven't told anyone yet. A part of me wants to move on and join the rest of the human race but something is holding me back. I look around my room as I prepare for another evening of nocturnal distractions. I hate the fact that I can't make it through the night without waking up with my heart beating out of my chest and dripping in sweat. By the entrance of my father I know that I have been screaming._

_I take a shower to release the tension of the day from my body. Fighting with Edward always sends me over the edge. I know I should talk to someone but a stranger asking me questions of how I feel just sounds very unappealing. The hot water burns my skin but my muscles sing in approval. I let the water beat down my back as I breathe in the steam. Too many things are clouding my mind and I need help cutting through the fog. _

_So many things went horribly wrong today. The meadow should've gone in a completely different direction and the conversation with Esme was uncomfortable which has never happened before. Walking into my house I had prepared myself for another round with Charlie but the exhaustion and worry written from head to toe let's me know he didn't have the fight in him. I hate to see my father like this but what's worse is the knowledge that it's all my fault. _

_I let the water work its magic for another couple of minutes before I wash up and exit the shower. I dry off before getting dressed, brushing my teeth and running a brush through my hair. I work a quick braid before leaving the bathroom and heading to my room. I head over to my bed to get comfortable. I leave my window open since the heat has finally graced us with its presence and what little breeze there is, is a welcome guest. I pick up my book and settle in for the long night._

_About an hour in I look at the clock as I take a break. I pick up my cell phone knowing I haven't missed anything. I didn't say goodbye to Edward and the worse part is that it didn't even occur to me until I was half way home. I know I should've called Edward to say something but I didn't have the heart to make him feel any worse then he already does. Edward has taken so much of this unto himself and even though I have told him time and time again that this isn't his burden to bear he still does. _

_I open up a text window in the attempt to write him a note so he might sleep better but the words escape me. I want to tell him how sorry I am and how I would do anything even talk to a shrink to see him smile again. I want to tell him that I'm fighting an enemy without a face and the thought of sleep and even food terrify me. I want to bare my soul to him and have him help me from this hole I have dug for myself but again the words fail me. _

_I close my cell phone and set it back on my nightstand. I hear Charlie turn the off the T.V and make the climb up the stairs. He stops outside my door and listens before moving on to his room. I look at my book and I really have no interest in reading anymore. I set the book next to my phone as I listen to the quiet hum of my old house. It's the nights where I find myself the most lost. Before the emptiness can creep in I hear my phone alert me to a text. _

_**Heading to the cliffs; need a ride?**_

_I smile as I text yes. I close my phone before springing up to change my clothes. I need something to occupy me and this is the perfect way to end the evening. I pull on capris and a tank top before slipping on a pair of flip flops. I write a quick note in the off chance that Charlie actually wakes up to find my bed empty; although by the look of him I think he will sleep like a baby. I step out into the hallway and listen. Charlie's loud snores are music to my ears. I move to the stairs before slowly taking a step a snore. _

_I make it to the bottom as the movement of headlights scans the front of my house. I exit the front door locking up before sprinting to the car. I get in and take a deep breath as we wait patiently for any movement in my house. I smile as Jake laughs and puts the car in drive. We drive down my street after a few minutes pass. _

"_I can't believe Charlie can sleep so soundly. I mean your house creeks like geriatric bones," Jake's boisterous voice fills the car as I smile at him._

"_He had a long day at work besides it's not like he thinks I would sneak off in the middle of the night," my voice is light as I fight the encroaching guilt. _

_Being with Jake and the Quileute boys is easy. They didn't have to go through the whole nightmare with the rest of us so they don't look at me with pity. I can be a completely different person with them where I don't have to listen to pleas of therapy while fighting glaring looks. _

_Jake knows what went down because of the friendship between our dads. Even though he knows he doesn't treat me any differently and I can't begin to tell you how much I love him for it. I can't spend time out at La Push during the week since most of the boys got summer jobs. Jake is working at a garage with a friend of his father's. I know he loves to get his hands dirty but it also leaves him little time to hang with the rest of his friends. _

_So about two weeks ago the guys decided to start getting together at night. I don't really know why they chose to do it so late but I was grateful for the invite. It's not every night but a couple times a week the guys and their girlfriends pick random places on the res to hang out. This is the second time we're heading out to the cliffs. The first time I watched in shock as a couple of the guys jumped into the water below. I mean the tide wasn't bad and we all waited with baited breath for them to surface but I couldn't fight the jealousy at their lack of fear to do something so reckless. _

"_What's on the agenda this evening?"_

"_Well it's a hot night so the guys want to go for a little dip. I think Leah's going to join us," Jakes beams with pride. _

_Leah is kinda a tough cookie. I mean I get her and Jake since he's gentle and thoughtful where Leah is rough and abrasive. It's a complete gender reversal and I think it's what keeps them together. At first I didn't really care for Leah, but I have grown to appreciate her complete lack of bullshit. She's definitely someone you'd want for ally versus an enemy. _

"_You guys are insane. I mean what exactly goes through your head when you're falling?"_

"_Bells it's a complete high and the best part is it's all natural. I mean falling into the darkness before being immersed in the cold water; it does wicked things to your senses," Jakes smile radiates as he turns down the familiar road. "You gonna try it tonight?"_

"_Do I look like I have lost my damn mind?"_

"_Well you are hanging out with us so I thought it was a given," his laugh is infectious and I can't help but laugh with him. "I think you could really benefit from it."_

"_We have met right? I mean I am the girl that could sever a major artery from a paper cut or fall down a couple flights of stairs before going through a window. I am a walking disaster. With my luck I would get stuck in a rip tide and drown," I roll my eyes as Jake's laughter deepens. _

"_On second thought you can hold onto the clothes. The last thing we need is another trip to the ER. Hell they should build a wing and name it after you from all the repeat business you give that small hospital," Jake bumps my arm with his and I laugh at how true his words are. _

_The car comes to a stop as I see the rest of the boy's rough housing. I laugh at how childish they seems as Paul gives Embry a wedgies. I follow Jake over to the group as Quil and Seth greet us. Sam is talking to Emily and Leah as Embry knocks Paul to the ground. I laugh and quickly move out of the way as Paul loses his temper and moves through the small groups to exact his revenge on a scared looking Embry. Sam finally stops Paul as Embry falls to the ground panting._

"_Do you have a death wish Embry?" Seth's laughing as Embry stands to wipe his face off._

"_What can I say I need someone to test out my mad ninja skills on," everyone laughs as Embry's face registers irritation. "What? I could've totally taken him."_

"_Sure you could've; just like coordination is my friend," I laugh with the gang as I throw my shoulder into Embry's earning a smile. _

_Paul makes his way over to us as he throws his arm over my shoulders. I smile up at him as Paul and Embry make peace. Sam calls everyone over. Paul with his arm still around me escorts me to the larger group. Leah walks into Jake's embrace and I smile and their intimate moment. I'm glad he has her. They really look like they really care about each other._

"_How are you pretty girl," Paul's voice is quiet in my ear._

"_I'm better now that I'm here," I smile up at him as Paul leans his head down to mine. _

_Sam talks about the jump and all the safety precautions. I listen carefully trying to talk myself into joining the rest of the group. I don't know why but something about this sounds oddly appealing. Maybe I am losing my mind. Sam finishes the tutorial before everyone jumping starts to strip off their clothes. _

"_You going to join us Bella?" Paul's arm leaves my shoulders as he starts to lose his clothes. _

_I am momentarily distracted as I see all the guys and their great physiques in nothing more than gym shorts. I haven't seen this many six packs since I walked down the beer aisle with Charlie. Damn, these boys must do nothing but work out. I hear laughing before I look up at Paul._

"_See something you like?" _

"_Yeah not so much," my blush is totally giving me away but aside from their abs I'm not remotely attracted to any of these guys. Don't get me wrong these guys are sweet and attractive but my heart belongs to only one guy and he's more of the pasty variety. _

"_Are you joining us?"_

_I walk over to the edge of the cliff and look down. I can see waves crash against the rocks but the water looks pretty tame. I feel a pull, a desire to jump. I look back at everyone almost stripped down as my heart races. _

_Am I really considering this?_

_Sam stands by me at the edge of the cliff. He looks at me and smiles before walking back to Emily. He hands her his shirt before giving her a kiss. Without notice he takes off running as he launches himself off the edge. Cheers and howls fill the air as everyone waits for Sam to reemerge from the water. After a few moments Sam's head pops up before he takes off swimming for the shore. _

_One by one the other boy's gets in line to jump. Jake and Leah are in the back as Quil is the next to take the plunge. I bounce on the balls of my feet trying to psyche myself up. Emily is the only one not jumping as she continues to bag up everyone's clothes. Paul motions for me to get in line before teasing me. I roll my eyes since he knows damn well this isn't a tactic that works on me. _

"_Make up your mind yet Bells?" Jake removes his lips from Leah long enough to look my direction. _

"_Yeah Bella let's show these boy's how it's done," Leah's voice sneer at the others as Jake leans in for another kiss. _

_You know what, screw it. I start removing my clothing as Embry takes the plunge. Paul cheers me on as Jake and Leah take a break from suck fest to register shocked expressions. My heart is literally threatening to burst out of my chest but I feel more alive than I have in a while. I hand Emily my clothes as she starts to make her way down to the beach. _

_After some discussion, it's decided that I will jump before Jake and Paul will wait off to the side in case god forbid I run into any trouble. I guess now would be a good time to send out a prayer to all the gods to try and cover my ass. I take a deep breath as Paul disappears over the ledge. I hear him surface as he calls for me to jump. _

_I panic as I realize what an idiot I am. Who in their right mind jumps off a perfectly good cliff? I look at Jake as he gives me an encouraging nod. I take a deep breath. I can do this. I will do this. I already gave Emily my clothes and shoes which means there is no way I am walking to the beach half naked. I could sit in Jake's car but I would never live down the ribbing. _

"_Remember Bella, get a running start so you can have some distance between you and the rock wall," Jake's voice is soft as I nod. _

_I can hear Paul calling up from the water as I take another breath. Before I know it I am running. I open my eyes just as I reach the edge and using every muscle I have, I jump harder than I ever have before. There is a moment of weightlessness before gravity pulls me down. I am moving through the air and the freedom is liberating. A second later and I'm hitting the water. I can't begin to describe the pain as the cold water encases my body. _

_My body disappears under the surface and I am once again surrounded by freedom. I open my eyes as the darkness floats around my body. I am at peace as the burn of my lungs from lack of oxygen makes its presence known. When I can fight no longer I move to the surface. I break through the water as Paul reaches me. _

"_Are you ok?" _

"_Yeah," I pant as my lungs find the relief they are so desperate for. "That was incredible." _

"_Welcome to the tribe Bella Swan." _

_Paul helps me to the beach as Jake and Leah make their jumps. My body is still pinging from the adrenaline coursing through my veins that I don't even register how cold I am._

"_Bella you're blue, come here," Paul's arms are out stretched with a towel._

_He wraps me up in a towel as he proceeds to dry me off. I can feel some warmth returning to my body as my actions sink in. I can't believe I jumped off a cliff. Who knew I was so brave? I laugh at myself as Paul finishes drying my body before handing me the towel to dry my hair. Jake and Leah join us as the group cheers our accomplishment. _

_Sam and Emily built a fire for us as we all gather to dry off. I pull my clothes on before sitting next to Paul. The comfort I have with this group couldn't be more different then what I have with the Cullen's. I don't feel under the microscope and I don't feel the guilt that I put all their lives in danger. I am able to laugh and smile and just be. _

_I have missed this._

**March 5****th****, 2010 – Jake POV**

Sitting here in these shitting hospital chairs I keep my eyes trained on Bella's door. I can feel the weight of her letter in my hand but I don't have to open it to know what it says. Making the decision to help Bella was an easy one, even though I knew full well there wasn't anything I could've said to stop her. That girl is stubborn as hell.

I look over at Edward and can't help but feel sorry for the poor bastard. Bella told me her whole plan to write out everything and even though I told her on several occasions that the up front approach is much better, she of course did it her way. By the looks Paul and I are getting, I'm guessing Edward is to the cliff jumping part. As the best friend I have seen and even read parts of the journal but the letters, I wasn't prepared for those.

I was supposed to be there. I was on my way to meet her and if I hadn't been late she wouldn't be here. It should never have gotten this far. I actually thought that Bella knew what she was talking about. I mean all the planning and sacrifice she put into this to have it end here just breaks my heart.

Edward is clenching his fists…Must mean he's gotten to a good part.

I try not to laugh at his reactions. I mean Bella has quite the taste for the adrenaline rush. Something me and the boys were more than happy to cater to. I glance at the boys and I can see that their hearts are breaking. To know Bella is to love her and although our love isn't romantic it doesn't make it any less fierce. I mean to most of these guys, she's the little sister they never had.

"Why the hell does Cullen keep looking at me like he wants to rip me limb from limb?" Paul's irritation is slightly masked by exhaustion.

"He's reading Bella's journal. Apparently he doesn't like what she says about us," I chuckle as Paul's brow creases.

"I'm trying to think of what she could write about that would have him so pissy."

"Oh I don't know it could be the cliff jumping or the motorcycle riding or the fact that you can't seem to keep your hands off her," I nudge him as his look becomes even more confused.

"He doesn't think…You're kidding? I'm with Rachel," Paul looks over at Edward like he's crazy before I grab his arm to rein him and his temper back.

"Dude try and remember, her and Cullen haven't really spoken in a couple of months. He has no idea what's been going on in her life so calm the hell down."

Paul sits back in his seat and looks around the room before letting out a deep sigh. Rachel, my older sister is packing up her life in Seattle before moving back here to be with Paul. She found a job on the reservation as the new history teacher at the high school. I had my reservations about Paul and my sister but then I saw the calming effect she has on the hot head and I can't help but be grateful.

"He knows she loves him right?" Paul's wounded tone is low as he looks over at Edward.

"Would you? How do you have faith that someone loves you when they walk away?" My eyes travel over to Leah who sits between her mom and brother. I sadly am in the same boat as Edward.

Leah didn't agree with me helping Bella. She thought it was ridiculous and a matter for the police. Oh course looking over everything that's taken place I know she was right. Truth be told I knew she was right then but the threats kept coming no matter what Charlie did and no one could seem to keep Bella safe. No matter what plans were set up, they always seemed to find her.

My heart clenches as Leah's eyes meet mine. She's not the heartless girl everyone thinks her to be but she has her pride and I think her greatest fear is that it would be me in that room instead of Bella. Although I also know I was the idiot that didn't fight but accepted what was. I would give anything to have her in my arms right now. I mean she did sit with me for a bit but sadly it's back to what it's been for the last couple months.

"We'll make sure he knows. I mean she did all of this to protect him after all," Paul's calm words remind me of what Bella made me promise.

To help Edward see the truth.

Although if he keeps looking at me like that, we might come to blows before I'm even able to say anything. Can't fault him for that, if the tables were turned and it was Leah in that room I wouldn't be any different.

I can remember when Edward and I almost did come to blows. It was an honest mistake but of course jealousy makes you see things differently. It was a turning point for all of us. I think it's what started the fragile crack that ultimately shattered the ground beneath us. That weekend all those months ago. I do know it's what gave Bella the tools to walk away from Edward. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

**July 22****nd****, 2009 – Jake POV**

"When exactly did you get your license?"

"Well…" my grip tightens on the wheel before looking over at her. "I haven't yet."

"Good thing for you my daddy is the chief of police," Bella giggles at me as I turn down her street. "So truth Bella, how are you?"

"I'm a train wreck Jake. But you don't really want to hear that," Bella turns to look out the window as the wall starts its ascent.

I stop the car outside Bella's house. I turn the car off and turn to look at her. I can feel her need to escape but I'm not going to let her. Something has to give and I don't want tonight to end like this. She turns to thank me but my smile stops her. I have to remind her why it's so easy to be around me. I want nothing from her but her happiness.

"I have something for you," I reach in the backseat before grabbing something wrapped in tissue paper. "Here."

Bella opens my gift to reveal an intricate dream catcher. I stare at her for a minute before I tell her the story behind it.

"It started in the Ojibwa Nation. In fact they are made for infants to ward off bad dreams through their youth. They aren't meant to last for long but it's to help the good dreams get through while the bad dreams get caught and are destroyed by the dawning light," my voice is meaningful as my fingers run over the delicate work.

"Charlie told my dad what's been going on. I know you aren't an infant but I thought maybe it would help ward off what's plaguing you these days," I take her hands in mine as I meet her dark troubled eyes.

"I want to be a place you can escape to Bella. The guys and I enjoy having you around and you seem happy but we are also concerned about you. I can see you retreating right now and I'm not trying to make you uncomfortable but I want you to know we're here whenever you need us. In fact Emily wanted me to tell you that if you need someone; she knows what you're going through," Bella looks at me shocked.

Emily wasn't always with Sam. In fact when she came to us she was a skittish little thing. I mean we knew something was off immediately when Paul being an idiot raised his arm to close to her and she flinched. I don't know the full story but I have seen the scars and I know that she could be a good sounding board for Bella.

I can see Bella struggle for a moment before her body slowly relaxes. I don't like to brag but I have this affect on her and I remind myself all the time to use it for good.

"I'm terrified to close my eyes," her voice shakes as I take her hand again. "I use to love my sleep but now…"

"What happens when you close your eyes?"

"They're there. They're always there waiting for me. I walk down the stairs and he's standing next to Edward and I look around the room and…" her tear ducts open and she loses her composure. "They're all dead Jake. My dad and the Cullen's are all lying around the room cut and bleeding and there's nothing I can do."

She buries her face in her hands as the tears overwhelm her. I pull her into my arms and feel her shake with fear. I am immediately grateful that Charlie killed this son a bitch because even though I'm mostly gentle, I wouldn't mind making him hurt right now. I let her cry for a few minutes before I pull her away to look in her face.

"Bella, it's just a nightmare. You know every time you open your eyes that no one is dead except that son of a bitch. Why is this affecting you so much?"

Her lip quivers as fresh tears roll down her face, "Because it isn't James who killed them."

"Well who then?"

"Victoria."

I had heard that James's accomplice had gotten away but how crazy could this bitch be to have my girl shaking like a leaf at the thought of retribution? I know the group as a whole wasn't working with a full deck. I know Royce was sitting in jail but the other two were out on bail. They'd be stupid to come back here.

"I'm pushing everyone away for fear that this nightmare is going to become a reality. They all look at me like I'm so broken but I just want to protect everyone I love. I don't know how to move forward," her voice is a whisper as the tears stop and the anger clips her words.

"Bella if and it's a very big if this girl comes back you are going to need the people you love in your life to be there for you. If you push them away, if you lose them can you live with yourself if she never comes back? I know how much this family means to you and I know how much you love Edward. Bella you are becoming a ghost at just the thought of losing them; what will become of you if you do?"

"It feels like I'm dying inside Jake. I left him today and everything in me just shut down. I don't know how to navigate this at all and I'm making myself sick trying to figure it out," Bella looks at me and her face is one of exhaustion and pain.

"Leah and I broke up for a couple weeks. We were fighting and she thought I wanted to be with other people and when I finally got her to talk to me, really talk to me I found out that she was struggling with some issues from her past. I can't really talk about it since it's hers to share but once I knew we were able to deal with it and now we are stronger than ever.

"If Edward knew what you are telling me right now I can assure you he'd wrap you in his arms and tell you that he loves you. At the end of the day that's all that matters," I smile at her only to find her smiling back at me. It fades quickly as fear overcomes her.

"What if it's finally too much to handle for him? What if I lose him?"

"If after everything you two have been through, if this is what does him in then it's his loss. You will survive this Bella and be stronger for it. But if this Cullen guy is who I think he is, he's not going anywhere," I pull her into my arms as I feel her take a calming breath.

"Ok Edward you were right; talking to someone really does help. I have seen the light and all that other crap. I know Edward's going to give me grief for this but as long as we find our way back to some semblance of normal I can deal with that," I can feel her laughing in my arms as she finishes her own personal conversation with herself. I pull back to look her in the eyes as I glance at the clock; it's almost four in the morning.

"I should let you get home; you have to be exhausted," she grin sheepishly at me.

"Are you going to go to sleep now?"

"Probably not; I will try your gift tomorrow night," Bella pulls back from my arms as she gathers her flip flops to leave the car.

"I don't have to get home. What else have you been up to?" I smile big at her and am rewarded with one in return. There's my girl.

_July 22__nd__, 2009 - BPOV_

_I can't begin to explain the pain emitting from my hip. I mean the top half of my body is warm and comfortable and my legs are good but my hip is killing me. I stir from my sleep as I start to register the obnoxious sound of a horn honking. No not honking, blaring. My eye lids flutter heavily as I take in my surroundings. I am still in the rabbit, in the front seat, lying on Jake. Now I get the comfort. I look down at my hip and see the gear shift. Aw now I get the pain. _

_I shift slowly as some of the pain is alleviated. I look at Jake's sleeping face as I try to find the horn that is threatening to piss off the whole neighborhood. I look up at the car in front of me before it hits me. That's Esme's car. That's Edward in the driver seat. I am in a car with a guy that's not Edward. _

_Shit!_

_The look on Edward's face is one of sheer murder as Jake starts to stir under me. The emotions and thoughts running through my head are even dulling the now raging pain in my hip. I try to move off Jake but slip and fall further on to him. Jake jumps at my weight shift as he barks at the elbow I just threw into his ribcage. I finally pull myself off Jake as I open the passenger door. _

"_Bella? What the hell is going on?" Jake's sleepy voice follows me as I take a step towards Esme's car. _

_My eyes stay on Edward's as his brow furrows and I swear steam starts pouring out of his head like some cartoon character. I follow his eyes to my clothes to see they are all over the place. The wrinkled, jumbled heap covering me is not giving off a very good impression. My eyes snap back to Edward's as I shake my head. I hear Esme's car start as Charlie comes running out of the house._

"_What the hell is going on?" my father's voice booms through the air as Jake jumps out of the car. _

_I shake my head at Edward pleading with my eyes for him to stay and hear me out. Apparently he didn't read that as Esme's car pulls away from the curb and takes off down the street. I call out to Edward as his blackened eyes focus on the road as he accelerates to get as far away from me as possible. I crumple to the ground as Jake and Charlie join me. Jake's arms comfort me but it's my father's voice that stops my heart. _

"_Would one of you like to tell me where the hell you have been?"_

_Shoot me, shoot me now._

_After an hour of explanation and yelling on my dad's part Jake was finally released to go home and I have to say I couldn't blame him for pealing out. My dad was so focused on the sneaking out and cliff diving that it didn't even occur to him to bust Jake for driving without a license. Sitting on the couch trying to figure out how the hell I am going to dig myself out of the hole I just put myself in with Edward as my dad continues to stare a hole through me. I know he is far from finished with me but I can't seem to focus on anything other than the look in Edward's eyes as he drove away from me. _

_I could just let him go. _

"_Bells are you listening to me?"_

_I snap my head up to look at my father who's holding the house phone. I shake my head as he repeats that the phone is for me. I get to my feet hoping its Edward. Wait no I don't, if I apologize it needs to be face to face. Why do I have to apologize? Oh right cause I have been a complete zombie emo girlfriend that's been keeping things from him with a side of falling asleep in a car with my male best friend. Yeah definitely in person._

"_Hello?"_

"_Bella can you come over? I really need to see someone other than my family before I go crazy and kill them all," her voice is a growl and very irritated._

"_Rosalie?"_

"_Wow Nancy Drew however did you figure that out? Are you coming or not?"_

_I look at my dad. I have to ask while she's on the phone if I have any shot of getting out of this house. Charlie's going fishing with Harry and he's not going to want to cancel that to stay home and baby sit me. I give him my reserved little girl voice to ask to go over and hang out with Rosalie. He hems and haws before finally giving in. I take a deep breath as I get back on the phone and tell rose to come pick me up. I hang up before heading upstairs for a shower. _

_I know I am still in trouble with my dad but it's bound to be postponed until after the weekend. I get ready quickly as I grab my cell phone. I have five missed calls. Two from Charlie and three from Edward; I dial my voice mail and listen to my messages. I listen to my father's panicked voice as he asks where I am before getting to the messages from Edward apologizing for the day before and begging me to come over. My heart breaks as I listen to the two messages before the third where listening to Edward's panicked voice has him telling me he's on his way over. _

_Damn it; why don't I take my phone when it's important. _

_I have to see Edward. I have to tell him what happened and fix this. But first I will talk Rosalie down and then maybe I can get her to drive me to the Cullen's before bringing me home. I have to make him understand. Although knowing Edward my admissions and talking to someone other than him is liable to hurt him more than what he saw this morning. Stuck between a rock and a hard place and once again I draw the short straw. _

_I walk downstairs to see my dad sitting in his chair with his head between his hands. I scared him. I hurt him. I walk over to him and kneel in front of him before taking his hands in mine. I look into his tired, worry eyes and another part of my heart breaks. I give him a small smile before throwing my arms around his neck and hugging him tightly. _

"_I don't deserve you dad and I am so sorry that I put you through that. I'm turning it around I swear. No more scary Bella," I finish as his arms tighten around me. _

"_I love you so much Bells. You're all I got so please stop trying to disappear on me," his voice quivers and I know my dad is crying. _

_We sit like that holding each other for a few minutes while my dad composes himself. I know he is a guy that rarely cries and he sure as hell doesn't want to do it in front of his daughter. A knock at the door breaks our embrace as I stand to answer the door. It's Rose. I ask her to wait as I grab my hoody. I look at my dad and smile again._

"_I love you too dad. Have fun with Harry today," my voice is lighter than it's been in a while and he smiles back at me. _

_I walk out onto the porch to meet Rose. I have to say that this new Rose breaks my heart a little bit. She's healthy and beautiful but the anger wraps around her body making her abrasive and standoffish. I follow her down to the car as we both get in. I wait for her to initiate conversation since to be honest I haven't really talk to her since she got home from rehab and with my luck today I would say something that would end our friendship. _

"_Jasper went camping and my parents are driving me fucking crazy. I had to get away but of course I can't do that without a god damn babysitter. I swear I feel like I am in prison," she starts the car as venom pours from her mouth. "I mean where do my parents get off being concerned after so many years of being obliviously absent." _

_We drive out of town as I look around trying to figure out where we're going. Rosalie is still fuming about her parents and how her mother's overbearing and her father's judgmental looks are making her wish she was back in rehab. I can sympathize since its awful living in a glass box with everyone looking and second guessing your every move. I try to listen as she talks but my mind turns to Edward. _

"_What do you think Bella?"_

"_I'm sorry?"_

"_La Push."_

"_Yeah sure sounds good."_

_The day moves along slowly as Rosalie vents and talks about rehab and the people she's met and keeps in contact with. I notice she doesn't say a word about her dark time; her wording not mine. She's seeing a therapist that she only mildly detests and things between her and Jazz is slowly healing. I am glad to hear that since I know how their strained relationship really was weighing heavily on Jazz._

"_What is the deal with you and my brother?"_

"_Alice. She's going through her issues and I could see that my relationship with him was really bothering her so I am taking a step back. I thought that would make things better between Alice and I but sadly nothing has changed," I finish as I look as Rosalie and I can see this answer is pissing her off. "What?"_

"_What right does she have to be jealous of your relationship with my brother? I mean hello there's nothing going on between the two of you. Is there?"_

"_Good god no. I love Jazz as much as I love Emmett. They're my brothers," I watch Rose flinch when I mention Emmett's name and I immediately regret it. I know Emmett's been trying to find his way back to her._

"_How is Emmett doing?" her voice is soft for the first time all day._

"_He's alright. I mean he's healing and he's looking forward to rejoining the football team in August but other than that he's been alright," I watch her nod as if she's lost in her own world. Her eyes have tears in them but before she can be overcome by them, she quickly wipes her eyes._

"_Ok let's get out of here. All this touchy feely crap is starting to make me nauseous," she winks at me as she turns the car on._

_We listen to music on the short ride home. Just outside the town limits I feel my stomach drop as I remember that I have to serious explaining to do. I ask Rose for a favor which of course she agrees. I ask her to take me to the Cullen's._

"_I can drive you up there but they aren't there. Jasper left with them this morning to go camping. Dr. Cullen got Monday off so they headed down the coast," her voice is matter of fact as the nausea over comes me._

"_Can you drive me up there anyways? I have to make sure."_

"_Of course and while I'm doing that you get to tell me what you've done this time to invoke the wrath of Edward Cullen," she smiles at me as I start to give the summarized version of events. We pull up to the Cullen's as I finish with Rosalie looking like she wants to smack me. _

"_Seriously? Isabella Swan jumped off a cliff; what the hell were you thinking?"_

"_When I figure that out I will let you know," I give her a small smile as I get out of the car. _

_I quickly walk up the front stairs to knock on the front door. I wait patiently but there is no answer. My heart drops again as I bang my head on the door. Stupid Swan, so fucking stupid. What the hell do I do now? I pull their key out of my pocket as I weigh whether or not to go inside. I mean I can call and leave him a voicemail but what's to say he won't erase it. But if I go inside that might be breaking some unspoken rule. I look to Rose as I ask for another moment. _

_Screw it._

_I let myself in. I walk into the foyer and call out hoping maybe Edward didn't go. I am met with more silence. Now what? I think for a minute before taking off up the stairs. I need a piece of paper and I know exactly where I can get some. I enter Edward's room and move quickly. Rose won't have patients for long and I have to get home to Charlie. I find paper and write him a note like I did when we were in school together. I fold it and leave it on his nightstand for him to find when he gets home. _

_I move through the house quickly as Rose lays on the horn. I lock up and get in the car as she turns on the car. I look at the house longingly as Rose moves quickly down the drive. I hope the next time I am here it will end differently. For now I get to wait two days to see if Edward will give me a chance to explain myself. To tell him I love him and how sorry I am for being so distant. _

"_You want to stay at my house tonight since everyone else is off having fun without us?"_

"_Wish I could Rose but I have a feeling that after last night my dad's going to have me on a short leash," I could see the disappointment on her face. I didn't want to be alone either. "Maybe dad wouldn't mind if you crashed at my house."_

_Rose's smile returns as she drives to my house. Knowing Charlie he'd love to have Rose at the house. I know he's missed her since her departure and I'm sure he will think that it's good for me to have a friend around. Plus it will keep me in the house. We pull up to the house and walk in together. Charlie is sitting in his chair nursing a beer._

"_Hey chief daddy, how was fishing?"_

"_Rosalie, it was good. Not a lot biting but I did manage to get a couple. What are you two up to?"_

"_Can Rose stay the night? Everyone took off camping so it's just the two of us," I ask nicely while sounding a little sad at the same time. _

"_As long as it's ok with your parents Rose I don't have a problem with it," he takes another pull from his beer as Rose walks outside to call her parents. _

"_Thanks dad. What do you feel like for dinner?"_

"_How about we just order a pizza and call it good. It's a little warm to turn the oven on."_

_I give him a smile before making my way to the phone. I know what kind both he and Rose want so I make the call and place the order. By the time it arrives Rosalie should be back with her stuff. Rose pops her head in long enough to tell us she's heading to her house for her stuff. I smile at her as she turns to hand me an envelope._

"_This was on the porch. Be right back."_

_My heart flutters. Maybe Edward came back after I left. To have missed him twice in one day would just be awful. My hand shakes briefly as I open the envelope. A single card is inside and it isn't his beautiful script but typed letters. I read the card as my breathing catches. I feel my heart drop as I reread the words. This has to be a joke. _

"_What is it Bells?"_

"_Nothing dad just an invite. No big deal," my voice is shaky but dad doesn't question it. No need to alarm anyone since I'm sure it's just a prank. I read the words again._

_**I see you.**_

* * *

**This is where I'm leaving it! So we saw what has Bella all weird and distant, how Rosalie is handling returning from rehab and that Jake and Bella are JUST friends. Do you think Edward will agree? I can tell you that Edward's POV of this weekend will be in the next chapter. **

**This is the beginning of the new threat and whoever it is will be slow to show themselves. Who do you think it is? Penny for your thoughts!**

**As always, tell me what you think and I will give you a teaser of the next chapter! Till next Friday, have a great weekend!**


	4. Festering Wound

**Happy Friday everyone! **

**Here is Edward and his reaction to the great car sleepover! Still filling blanks and Bella's still fighting for her life. We have a few more chapters to get through before we really delve into this new threat. **

**So cmoody74 has been begging me for quicker updates which I will do if I can get at least ten reviews. I hate to beg but I have an extra chapter ready to go so if you guys want an update on Wednesday, hit that review button! I really do apprecite the kind words I have received so to Dove L Salvatore, tjcutie and cmoody74...you guys make writing this story fun! **

**The song used in this chapter is If You Only Knew by Shinedown.**

**Again I do not have a Beta so any mistakes you find are all mine. If someone out there wants to be my Beta let me know! **

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. © badkfare 2011**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**EPOV – July 2009**

Have you ever had something happen that you thought could destroy your world? Not like death but literally end everything that you know to be. Looking at my whole world wrapped in someone else's arms felt like I was being gutted. I can't breathe as my body shakes. This isn't how the day started. This isn't how the day was supposed to end. I woke up with hope for a great three days away from everything to hopefully start over. But now I am lost to blinding pain and a burning rage that threatens to consume me.

I woke up looking out the window and seeing the sun making it's ascent in the sky. I know my mom said Bella didn't want to go camping but I know Bella well enough to know that camping might just be the thing to bring her out of her funk. I never met a girl who loved camping more so this has to work. The official start to our summer; the beginning of our return to normal. Plus to be honest I didn't think I could make it three days without seeing her.

The thought stirred in me feelings I haven't felt in a few weeks. I hadn't gone a day without seeing her not since that week we spent apart and I had every intention of not going another if we didn't have to. I couldn't sound more ridiculous if I tried and I know if Emmett knew I would spend the rest of time never living it down but I don't care. I love Bella and even though it's been difficult I have no intentions of giving up on us.

I get up quickly to shower and dress so I can talk to my mom. I know out of both my parents my mom is more likely to cave before dad. I find my mom in the kitchen planning the food for the next few days. I kiss her on the cheek as I move to the fridge for some juice. We exchange pleasantries before I empty my glass. Mom knows something's up but she waits patiently for me to ask.

"Can we take a drive mom?"

"And where are we going?"

"I know what you said but I know I can talk Bella into going. She loves camping and we're going to a new spot so we can't go without her. Please," I bat my eyes at my mom as she gives me a knowing smirk.

"Alright but honey if she doesn't go it doesn't change the fact that you are going," her voice is stern as I nod. Guess I will just have to make sure that doesn't happen.

I'm in the garage all ready to go waiting for mom when I dial Bella for the third time this morning. I know it's early but I also know she's not sleeping. I leave her another message with a little more concern than I like in my voice; it's not like her to not answer the phone. But I stall my panic since if anything were wrong Charlie would've called. I close my eyes and take a deep breath as my mom finally emerges from the house.

Driving to Bella's house I work out what I'm going to say to convince her to come with us. Jasper is going with Alice and my hope is that not only will Alice and Bella reconnect but then maybe Jasper and Bella can go back to the way they were. I know Bella misses her friendship with both Jasper and Alice and it's time we all work out our own personal shit. I turn down her street as my mom tries to comfort me.

"Mom she hasn't said no yet and I have a secret weapon that Bella can never say no to. Trust me I got this," I know I sound cocky but I can't let myself think that this is going to end any other way than with Bella coming with us.

I pull up in front of a ratty old rabbit and put the car in park. Charlie is fishing which means he'll be up early. I take off my seat belt and ready myself to get out of the car when I look through the windshield of the rabbit. My heart stops as all noise disappears. I barely register that my mom is talking as she follows my gaze before she audibly gasps. I feel her hand on my shaking arm as I lay on the horn.

Jake is lying diagonally in the front seat of the car. He's passed out with his mouth open and I swear I can almost hear him snoring. But that's not what I'm looking at no my eyes are staring at the brunette vision laying across him. She looks so peaceful as she lightly stirs in his arms. I lay on the horn again as Bella stirs and pain registers across her features. My heart is pumping again and rage is fueling the silent hell I am in right now.

Bella finally gets up as she looks at Jake before looking in my direction. For a moment she looks lost until it registers who's in front of her. Her lips part as she gaps before flinging herself out of the car. Through her movements she has woken Jake who is now trying to acclimate himself. That's when I see her.

I start with her hair that is a matted mess before moving to her wrinkled tank that's lopsided on her body. I can see her left breast threatening to make an appearance especially since she's not wearing a bra. Her pants are also wrinkled and slightly dirty and her feet are bare. Normally I would be turned on but the fact that Jake's hands were most likely all over her made me want to be nauseous.

Charlie comes out of the house as I turn on the car. I can't be here. I can't look at her. Bella's face is one shock but more importantly fear. Her eyes are wild as I grip the wheel and pull out wanting to get away as fast as I can. I can feel her eyes on me as I pass her and mom's voice talking loudly but I can focus on nothing but the road ahead of me. I make it a couple blocks away before I feel me mom's hand on mine over the steering wheel.

"Pull over Edward," her voice is soft but final as I slow down while moving to the curb.

I turn the car off before closing my eyes. I want to crawl in a hole and die. Why did she do this? I mean Jasper told me Jake liked Bella but why…when did all this start? I am such an idiot. I'm sure I'm giving them something to laugh about. This must be why she didn't want to go camping so she could spend the weekend with Jake. Oh god, I can't breathe.

"Edward? Honey I need you to stop that internal rambling and listen to me for a minute," I look at my mom as I shake my head wanting to do noting but disappear. "Listen, you have no idea what happened. I know you think you do but you don't. All you know is Jake and Bella slept in the same car together. Simple as that."

I turn away from her before she grabs my arm and pulls me to look at her.

"Now you can create all sorts of scenarios in your head or we can go back and you can talk to Bella. I'm sure it's all a misunderstanding that can be resolved in a conversation but if you run and let this fester than it's bound to create all sorts of other problems you do not want," her eyes bore into me and I know I should listen but the thought of seeing Bella right now hurts too much.

"I will talk to her when we get back, I can't right now."

"Jake and Bella are friends. She wouldn't do that to you Edward, you know that," her voice is still strong and reasonable but I can't be breeched.

"If I go back now mom I will hurt her. Can we please go home?"

My mom nods as she signals for me to change spots with her. I get out and quickly try to move but her arms find me anyways. Her warm embrace is starting to cool the rage as the tears try to make an appearance. I am not going to do this. I am not going to cry. I hug my mom back cause I know that's what she needs to reassure her I'm not going to lose my mind but let go to get in the car. I need to get out of this fucking town and the sooner we get home the better.

**X^X**

Sitting in the back of the car while Emmett picks on Alice while Jasper tries to defend her honor is almost unendurable. I turn my music up again for the third time but their voices keep breaking through making it impossible to disappear to anywhere but here. I couldn't blame them for being happy, I mean it's not like they watched their heart be ripped from their chest while the person they love does the Mexican cha-cha on it.

Ok so I'm being overly dramatic but nothing I do is quenching my anger.

After returning home I went to my room, sat on my bed until mom made me join the others. I wanted to throw, break and destroy things. I wanted to scream, I wanted to hit but mostly I wanted others to be in as much pain as I was in. I haven't felt like this since James took Bella from me. I felt helpless and I hated that beyond belief but this feels so much worse.

Mom made it clear that not only did I have to go with the rest of the family but that I would participate and have fun. I couldn't even look at my siblings and the thought of having to watch Alice and Jasper be all lovey dovey was starting to wear on me. Maybe I could wander into the woods and disappear. That would be nice. Live off the land, be one with nature; please who the hell am I kidding?

Linkin Park pours through my small ear buds as I stare out the window. I know Emmett is getting tired of me ignoring the rest of them. The drive is usually a chaotic circus of singing, games and embarrassing stories. It's the kick off to the whole event. This is Emmett's thing since he's the one that started it and he loves every aspect of it. I know he's missing Bella since no one can drive Bella crazy quite like Emmett.

I know Emmett wants to ask me where she is. Something is stopping him but I know mom didn't say anything. That's not the way Esme is, plus knowing her she wants Bella and I to kiss and make up before anything is said. Esme is all about the happily ever after and she's definitely one to dig in and fight rather than to turn tail and run. Bella tells me all the time that I have her heart.

An elbow to the ribs interrupts my internal ramblings as I turn to glare at Emmett. My brother isn't an idiot and he knows when I give him this particular look to leave me the hell alone. In fact he learned the hard way when we were in Chicago. The small scar above his eyebrow, yeah that was me. Bella and I were having communication problems and Emmett wouldn't let up so I threw a wrought iron lamp at his head.

Emmett flashes me a genuine smile as Alice and Jasper bounce in the backseat. I nod before turning my attention back to the moving objects outside. My family will help me. They will make me laugh and pull me out of my head but right now I wish I was all by myself even though I'm glad I'm not. I close my eyes and lean my head against the glass.

Are we there yet?

**X^X**

The ocean crashes on the rocks as night settles in around us. I haven't said much but I helped set up camp and now I am sitting with my family starring at the dying fire. I watch the hot embers shine as the chatter quiets down. I wonder what Bella's doing and I'm immediately mad at myself. I've already checked my cell phone and a part of me is happy that I don't have service. That way, when she doesn't call I don't have to feel the stabbing pain.

I stand having had my share of family time as I make my way into our tent. I got a ton of new music and I really want to make a dent in it before going to sleep. Actually I want to get to sleep before the other's join me. I know Emmett will snore loudly but Alice and Jasper like to whisper and it's a little too intimate to listen to.

A random play list starts as a four songs play. My eyes are heavy as a new song from Shinedown's latest album starts. The beat is a good one until the words start and any possibility for sleep goes out the window.

If you only knew  
I'm hanging by a thread  
The web I spin for you  
If you only knew  
I'd sacrifice my beating  
Heart before I'd lose you  
I still hold onto the letters  
You returned  
I swear I've lived and learned

It's 4:03 and I can't sleep  
Without you next to me I  
Toss and turn like the sea  
If I drown tonight, bring me  
Back to life  
Breathe your breath in me  
The only thing that I still believe  
In is you, if you only knew

If you only knew  
How many times I counted  
All the words that went wrong  
If you only knew  
How I refuse to let you go,  
Even when you're gone  
I don't regret any days I  
Spent, nights we shared,  
Or letters that I sent

It's 4:03 and I can't sleep  
Without you next to me I  
Toss and turn like the sea  
If I drown tonight, bring me  
Back to life  
Breathe your breath in me  
The only thing that I still believe  
In is you, if you only knew  
If you only knew

If you only knew  
I still hold onto the letters  
You returned  
You help me live and learn

It's 4:03 and I can't sleep  
Without you next to me I  
Toss and turn like the sea  
If I drown tonight, bring me  
Back to life  
Breathe your breath in me  
The only thing that I still believe  
In is you, believe in is you  
I still believe in you  
Oh, if you only knew

I am crying into my pillow and couldn't care less. Is this the darkness mom was talking about? I try to calm myself but the truth is once the first tear fell I was powerless to stop them. I know I'm not alone but Emmett's snores comfort me. Alice and Jasper are quiet so I can't be sure but I know in this moment the tears are the only thing that's going to help me sleep.

**X^X**

I wake up with a start as I decide I need to talk to Bella. I have to know what happened. My mom is right; Bella wouldn't hurt me like this. There has to be a good reason. I throw on clothes before leaving the tent. Apparently I am up even before my parents as I take off on a trail towards the highway. I keep an eye on the phone as I move through the other campsites.

I look at the phone to see it's after ten. Strange how late everyone slept back at camp. Normally Carlisle likes to up and on a trail early in the morning; maybe my parents went alone without the whining kids. Lately all three of us have wanted extra sleep. In fact Emmett not being at practice everyday has him staying in bed till noon on most days.

I keep walking as I see my bars appear before disappearing. I know the closer to the highway the better the signal will be. Something about being on 101 that makes cell service crap. I get it that people should pay attention to the road and not their cells but emergencies happen and this is one. The next two days will be impossible if I have to sit in my own head thinking god knows what.

After another half mile I come across a stretch with a constant signal. I take a deep breath before dialing Bella's number. Her cell phone rings with no answer. Clearly after Bella and I square all this away, I am going to have to teach that girl to answer her damn phone. I hang up before leaving a message as I dial her home. Charlie will be out fishing no doubt but hopefully…

"Hello?"

"Hey Charlie; is Bella home?"

"Sorry Edward but she's with Jake out at the res. Can I have her call you when she gets home?" his voice is nonchalant as my stomach bottoms out again.

"No it's all good I will uh…call her," my voice drops as I hear Charlie clear his throat. "I'll call her later, thanks."

Charlie says goodbye before hanging up. I look at my phone in disbelief. Wow I'm gone for less than twenty four hours and she's already out with that filthy dog. I bet they're laughing about how hysterical it was me finding them. I turn my phone off before yelling into the blue sky. I feel my lungs burn as I release the rage moving through my body. How can she do this?

I hear a branch snap as I turn to see Emmett trying to high tail it away from me. I call out to him as he turns to make his way to me. I can see sympathy all over his face as he approaches me carefully. I put my phone in my pocket so the temptation to smash it is alleviated as I walk the distance between me and Em.

We walk back on the trail in silence as I feel Emmett's eyes on me. I know he's dying to ask but he's being really great about the whole thing. We near the other campsites as my legs give out and I have to sit. I am reeling at Bella's actions and I need a moment to compose myself before seeing the rest of my family. Mom will know right away but I need to try and act like everything is ok.

"Tell me what happened," Emmett's voice calm and sincere as his arm moves over my shoulders.

I tell Emmett everything. I spill my guts about all the happenings between Bella and me. I even go as far as to tell him what happened the night in her room. I needed someone to know everything to give me some solid advice. I am so lost and I'm trying to keep it together but right now the thought of going postal sounds pretty good. I don't shed a tear but my language is all over the place. When I finish Emmett is surprisingly quiet.

"I get why you've been so wretched lately," he looks at me carefully before proceeding. "How do I say this without you throwing things at me?"

Emmett ponders for a moment before taking a steady breath.

"I don't know what happened between Bella and Jake but I can say that Bella's been keeping secrets and I'm not saying that to upset you. I know that we are recovering differently but Bella's been so distant," Emmett pauses as if to think about what to say next as I clench my fists to steady myself.

"Bella has never done anything to purposely hurt you. I know that there have been miscommunications and moments of insecurity but she loves you. It's clear to anyone that has to sit and watch the two of you that she has and would do anything for you," Emmett looks me in the eye. "This thing between her and Jake; I'm sure there is a really good explanation."

"Or maybe it's just another secret that she doesn't think I need to know," my voice drips with venom as I unwittingly glare at Emmett.

"I can tell you this much from experience; if you don't hear her out, if you don't talk to her, you will do something that you regret and you will lose her. And that my brother will fuck you up far more than any situation you can concoct in your head. For all you know Jake and Bella were talking and they happened to fall asleep.

"I know you've been trying to get her to talk to someone; maybe she finally found someone she could. Jake's not a bad kid and last we heard, from Bella by the way that Jake was dating Leah," Emmett looks at his hands as the anger inside me subsides. Hearing him out makes sense but what I saw still plagues my imagination.

"What if it is as bad as I'm making it? What if she wants to be with Jake? Everything has been so awful and since that night she's been so different."

"Well sex or anything pertaining to sex usually changes things. You know girls they always over think everything," he gives a smirk that doesn't help anything.

"And if and it's a big if Bella does want to be with Jake, you will survive it. I mean you'll be brooding and moody and just about the most miserable human being on the planet but you'll survive it. And one day you will wake up and the hole in your chest won't be so bad and then you'll move on to greener pastures."

"You and I both know there isn't anything better than Bella," my voice is solemn as Emmett nods in understanding.

Emmett's broken heart over Rosalie is something none of us have forgotten. He didn't eat, sleep or function after that phone call. I mean he was to blame for his decision but in hindsight Emmett thought he was doing the right thing. The long distance bullshit was a nightmare and Emmett wanted Rosalie to be able to be free to do whatever she wanted; although he might not have wanted to blame it on a kiss with another girl but to each their own.

"Should I call her later?"

"No, you need to think about what you want to ask and what to say. When we get home you can go and see her; talk to her face to face. That way tempers aren't lost and you can look in her face to see that what she's saying is the truth. Have a little faith Edward," Emmett bumps my shoulder as his smile returns to his face. "And in the mean time come back to camp and try to have a good time."

I give him a weak smile as we stand to walk back to camp. I feel a little better but I know nothing will be right till I can see and talk to Bella. I pat my phone in my pocket as I fight the urge to call her back. Emmett's right; in my frame of mind I am liable to call, get pissed off and then hang up on her. That wouldn't help the situation at all.

"So Bella's got magic hands huh?" Emmett's glib tone brings me back to the moment. I look at him as he breaks into laughter. "What? Can't I ask; I'm getting nothing these days."

"I'm not talking about this with you," a smile plays on my lips as I think back to that night.

"Does that mean that when you finally lose it you aren't going to talk either?"

"Really? Why on earth would you want to hear about my sex life?"

"Dude I'm a guy. A guy that thinks about sex like all the time; so no I don't want to think about YOU having sex but I could think about Bella," his laughter booms in the air as I give him a death look. "Just kidding bro; calm down. Bella's as good as my sister. Lighten up."

Emmett smiles at me as my smile is a little bigger this time. I can see what he's doing and this is classic Emmett. It's what makes him a great guy and an even better brother.

"So speaking of hot brunettes with killer bodies what do you think about Megan Fox?"

**X^X**

"Edward come with me," Emmett's enthusiasm radiates through his body.

"Where are we going?"

"There are a group of hot tourists a few camp sites down. Be my wing man," Emmett changes his shirt as I stare at him in disbelief.

"I thought you were trying to get back with Rosalie."

"I am but I'm not dead. I didn't say I was going to do anything with them. I would just like the pleasure of their company," he laces his shoes as he looks up at me. "Is that so wrong?"

"I'm good; have fun without me," I pick up my book as Emmett sits looking at me. "What?"

"Get off your ass and slip on your shoes. You aren't going to sit here moping," Emmett finishes as I move to protest but then he levels his eyes at me and I know better. Basically he's saying that if I don't get up he'll drag me behind him.

"Fine."

Emmett smiles as I place my book next to my pillow. I have a bad feeling about this but anything at this point to take my mind off Bella would be a welcome change. We say goodbye to the family as we make our way over to the campsite Emmett is talking about. As we approach I can hear girls giggling and I know this is a bad idea for both Emmett and I.

Emmett greets the ladies boisterously as I shyly smile while introductions are made. The girls are relatively attractive as Emmett fires off their names. I of course don't remember any of them as I have a seat next to an awkward red head whose nose is buried in a book. I can feel her discomfort and I sympathize. I take in the scene around me as one of the blonds, April I think hands me a beer.

After a pause and a look to Emmett I take the beer; I look at the can in my hands wondering if I should take a drink. I've had beer before but the idea of drinking and then returning to my parent's campsite doesn't really sound like a good idea. I watch Emmett open his as he takes a long pull. Hmm how bad could it be? I open the beer and take a hesitant drink. It's not bad so I keep drinking it.

I'm about to polish off my first can when a site comes into view that turns my stomach. Lauren Mallory. At first look Lauren is an attractive girl. I mean with long blond hair, blue eyes, moderate rack and soft curves that most guys would think her to be a catch. But the problem with Lauren is when she opens her mouth. For starters her voice is like nails on a chalkboard and to make matters worse when she voices her opinion I swear my IQ drops ten points.

Lauren has also been incredibly mean to Bella since we were small. I swear it's like she's made a mission to say every cruel thing on the planet to Bella for the shear enjoyment of making Bella cry. I roll my eyes as she looks in my direction. Unfortunately Lauren also has liked me for long as I can remember which reminds me why this is a bad idea.

"Why Edward Cullen, looks like distance has made you even more attractive," she licks her lips as if to make a seductive point and I have to fight the bile from spilling out of my mouth.

"Lauren."

"Where is your little dog?"

"Excuse me," I know where this is going but call me a sucker.

"Oh you know, Bella. I thought you didn't travel far without her," her smile adds to the darkness of her eyes. I stand while emptying the last of my beer. I walk over and lean into Lauren's ear so only she hears me.

"The only bitch here Lauren is you. Now why don't you go scamp along and find someone else to torture," I glare at her but rather than disgust in her eyes I swear all I have done is turned her even more on. What is it with this girl?

I walk over to sit next to Emmett and accept another beer from the girl he's chatting up. I notice Lauren talking to some others as I pray that she leaves me alone for the rest of the night. I drink my second beer quickly before taking a third and then I vaguely remember a fourth being thrust in my hand. I know I am drunk before opening the forth can. I didn't eat dinner since my stomach was upset and now I wish I had.

I take a long pull from my beer as Emmett gets up to walk off with blondie. I want to say something but at this point I'm not sure my tongue works. I lean up against a tree while nursing my beer. I see Lauren make her way over and I know this has bad written all over it. She places her hands up in surrender as she takes a seat next to me. Quiet surrounds us as the rest of the girls head off to their beds.

"When did you guys get home?" her voice is less annoying and there isn't any bite in her voice.

"June."

"Did Bella tell you about Jessica? We aren't talking since she doesn't leave her house anymore," she looks at something on her arm as I take another drink.

"No Bella didn't; but Jessica did."

"You've seen Jessica?" her tone is irritated.

"Yeah at the hospital," I take another drink trying to drown out her voice.

"How was Chicago?"

I didn't answer her as I thought about Bella. I missed her and I am mad at her and above all else how much I wanted her in my arms right now. I looked at the ground ignoring Lauren completely before I heard Bella's name.

"What?"

"Where is Bella by the way?"

"Home I hope," I snarl as the thought of Bella with Jake starts to boil my blood. The fourth beer is doing little to help with my clouded mind.

"Where else would she be?"

"I'm sure in a backseat somewhere," my words cause me to be ill as Lauren slides to my side to comfort me. I can feel her breathe on my neck and I have to fight the recoil in me. Lauren nears her lips as I move avoiding her.

"Let me help you," her voice is soft as she moves around the front of my body.

EPOV – March 5th, 2010

That memory has me leaving Bella's journal behind to find a bathroom. Not that there was anything in my stomach to get rid of but I still ended up preying to the porcelain god as dry heaves wreck my body. To this day, I still hate myself for that night. Damn teenage emotions and alcoholic beverages.

I take in deep and solid breathes as I try to calm my stomach. After a few minutes I'm off the ground and at the sink, spitting out cold water before splashing some on my face. I would love nothing more than for this day to be over. I feel like I may need a month to recover from everything that's happened today. I find my reflection in the mirror and I can't help but notice how awful I look.

My hair is filthy and more disheveled then ever. My eyes are lifeless with dark circles and my complexion is even more gaunt and haunted. I don't recognize the guy looking at me and with all the stress of the last few months and today, I feel decades older than I really am. I'm so lost in my own reflection that I don't notice the door opening.

"Quite taken with yourself, huh?"

I blink a couple of times before I look at the one person I have nothing really to say to.

"I saw that you were looking sick, everything alright?" He moves from the door over to me by the sinks where he stands starring at me waiting for me to talk to him.

"What do you want Jake?"

Jake was quiet for a moment looking like he needed to say something but then the thought must've past because the silence just engulfed us till it became almost uncomfortable.

"This wasn't supposed to happen, I was late and if I'd been on time…"

"Look, I'm just here to make sure she wakes up. That's all, so you want to explain yourself I'm sure Charlie would love to hear it," my tone isn't kind but talking to Jake isn't a good idea right now.

"I know I'm the last person you want to talk to right now and I'm sorry for everything that went down but she wanted to make sure that if you have any questions…"

"You're the last person I will come to," venom spews from my lips as I turn to leave Jake in the bathroom.

"I get it man, I really do…"

"You don't have a fucking clue. I have no idea who that girl is down the hall, the girl that I know would never and I mean never treat her family like shit, try and steal her best friends guy or push me so far out of her life that when I see her I don't even recognize her. That person is a stranger and I'm only here to support my family who reasons unknown to me still care about her."

"You are so full of shit, but then again that's nothing new at this point. That girl," Jake loses some of his composure as his anger starts to really show. "She's amazing regardless of what you and your family thinks. And if you care so little then give me back that box, since you don't deserve to know what happen."

"She went through hell for you and your family and I'm here for her," Jake's face is one of sadness and pain before he takes a deep breathe. "You will have questions; if you want the answers find me."

Jake turns and storms out before our discussion gets any more heated. I watch the closed door as my stomach takes another turn for the worse. I head back to the stale in time for nothing to come up. I remain on the floor for a few more minutes before the door opens again. I hear footsteps move to the sink, the water turns on and off and then the footsteps move over to me.

"I knew this would be hard for you," Charlie's gruff voice fills the empty room before a cold wet towel is placed on the back of my neck. "I told her this was a bad idea but you know Bells, stubborn as the day is long."

"Why did she do this Charlie?"

"He told her he'd kill you if she didn't walk away," Charlie's hatred for this man could only be rivaled by me.

"So she did."

* * *

**So there you go…any questions? **

******I want to give some love to other authors out there with amazing stories to read. This week check out TKegl. She's responsible for the amazing story Beyond Time which recently was completed and has a new story Do Over. I can tell you Beyond Time is a truly magnificent story filled with romance, mystery, laughs and beautifully intricate detail. If you haven't read her stuff, give her a try!**

******Also I have come across another amazing story...Secrets and Lies by BellaScotia. Bella once told a lie. A lie that cost her everything she ever wanted. 10yrs later, she returns to her hometown to an ailing father, an angry ex-best friend, and the man from whom she has kept a secret that threatens to unravel her existence. It's amazing so check it out! **

**One more...Of Morals and Temptations by Piebald46. ****Carlisle Cullen is born in the late 1700's, and is turned at 23 by Isabella Swan. Will he grow to love her over time? Or will his strong morals win over her devastating temptation? The rest of the family will come around later. If you are a Bellisle fan, then check this one out!**

**If there is a story I should be reading please let me know! I always love new stories!**

**Let me know what you thought and get a teaser for the next chapter! Hope everyone has a great weekend!**


	5. Mending Fences

**Happy Friday everyone! I hope everyone's week was a good one and I'm sure you are ready for the weekend! This chapter is a week late…sorry for the delay! This chapter is also a little shorter than the other chapters but a lot happens!**

**To cmoody74…I love you and I am writing this because of your encouragement. This is also a belated bday present, since you will have time to read it this weekend!**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. © badkfare 2011**

**Enjoy and I will see you down below!**

* * *

**EPOV – July 2009**

I wanted to kill every bird that made a noise. My head throbbed and my stomach was revolting against me. Light, noise, physical contact hurt me so much that I literally wanted to die. How can people do this on a regular basis? I tried to move to sit up and I had to lie back down. I want to die.

"EDWARD!"

Scratch that; now I want to die.

"EDWARD GET UP! WE ARE GOING HIKING. IT IS GOING TO BE SO MUCH FUN!" Alice's shrill voice fills the tent at my head rings in pain.

"Shut up Alice. Please for the love of god lower your voice," I groan as I pull the pillow over my head.

"WHY? IS YOUR HEAD IN PAIN?"

"Oh my god shut up!" I throw my book at her as I listen to her groan in pain.

"Serves you right Edward Cullen for getting drunk last night; I hope your head explodes with stupidity," Alice hits me in the back before leaving the tent.

After a couple of minutes I lift the pillow off my head to look over at Emmett's spot. He's not there so either he's up already or he never came back. I sit up and wait for the nausea to subside. I get to my feet and I wobble back and forth. I take baby steps as I make my way outside. Alice and Jasper are gone but my dad is sitting at the table with a not too pleased look.

"How are you feeling?" his tone is serious as I take a seat across from him.

"Like the walking dead; everything hurts really bad," I put my head down on my arms.

"I don't think I have to tell you how I'm not only disappointed that you got drunk but that you did it because you are hurting. Now I have talked to your mom and from what I understand this can all be solved with a conversation. Edward I have never given my two cents when it comes to your relationship but if this is how you plan on dealing with your problems I think it's time for a break."

"Dad please can we talk about this when I don't feel like shooting myself?"

"No I don't think we can. I mean it Edward your mother and I will not tolerate this behavior from you or your siblings. Now drink this," he hands me a glass along with two aspirin. I take the pills before taking a drink. "Eat your breakfast and then you can lie down. When the others return from hiking I expect you participate like a member of this family."

"Yes sir," my tone in vacant as I dig into my breakfast. My stomach isn't very happy with me but something about the greasy food helps the irritation. I finish as much as I can before cleaning off my plate. Dad doesn't say anything else to me as I make my way back to the tent.

I lie down and close my eyes hoping sleep takes me quickly. I am dozing off when the events of the night before hit me like a ton of bricks. OH HOLY CHRIST! I actually let Lauren fucking Mallory touch my body. Not only did I let her touch me but I did it out of anger. Oh my god Bella is going to kill me. No wait she's just not going to talk to me ever again and that will kill me. Can I say how much I hate alcohol right now?

What am I going to do?

**X^X**

I couldn't be happier when we finally pulled up to the house on Monday. I have never had such a miserable time camping before in my life. Per Carlisle instructions I engaged and interacted with the family for the rest of our time. I was finally able to talk to Emmett to find out how the rest of his evening went and according to him he didn't hook up with the blond; all they did was chat. I don't really believe him but I will take him at his word.

My anger finally subsided as my disgust with myself increased. I saw Lauren again before we left and the proud smile on her face alerted me to the fact that I was in deep shit. With my luck she will tell the whole town before I even have a chance to talk to Bella. Can I please find a hole in space time continuum to go back in time and erase all my stupid mistakes starting with taking off and not talking to Bella?

I help unload the car before climbing the stairs to my room. I have to wait for everyone else to shower before I can get in there so I enter my room. I am still feeling the effects of the booze as I sit on my bed. It's early, maybe I can call Bella and she can come over. I could go over there. I turn on my cell phone waiting for it to find a signal before reaching for the home phone when I see a note. It's her writing.

_Edward_

_I can't even begin to understand what you are feeling right now. I am so sorry for what you saw today. I can tell right now that nothing happened between Jake and I and even though it looks bad I can assure you it isn't. Rosalie told me you guys went camping so I hope you were able to have fun and please call me when you get back._

_I love you Edward._

_Bella_

I read her note two more times then drop my head. My cell phone beeps with an alert that I have a voicemail. I press one before entering my code. I have three messages. That's interesting since I never get calls except from…

"Hey Edward…," her voice is sad. "I left you a note and I'm sorry I…I'm sorry I was late getting over to your place. I know you're thinking the worst right now but please call me. I love you."

**Message two.**

"Hi Edward; Charlie said you called. Sorry I missed it but my dad bought me a car well a truck from Billy Black. It's a stick and I have no idea how to drive it so Jake was giving me a lesson," her voice is hesitant like maybe she shouldn't have said that. "I hope you guys are having a good time and I can't wait for you to get home. I love you Edward."

**Message three. **

"I know you're getting home today; in fact you might already be home. I just wanted to say that I missed you. I'm with Rosalie but I have my cell phone if you want to talk," she finishes in a whisper as if suddenly self conscious. "I know you have questions and I promise I will answer every one of them. I love you Edward."

I hang up the phone as I curl my knees to my chest to lie down in the fetal positions. Why didn't I trust her? I close my eyes as I hear Alice and Emmett in the hall. Emmett sounds like he's panicking as Alice tries to comfort him. I hear bits and pieces before Alice clearly says Rosalie. Rosalie? I close my eyes trying to tune them out.

Jasper; Rosalie, of course. I sit up and move to the door. I look between Alice and Emmett before running down the stairs. Bella is with Rosalie which means when Jasper gets picked up Bella will be here. I look out the window to see her red BMW. I pick up my pace and make it outside before Rose has a chance to pull away. I run up to the car as I look inside. No Bella.

"Sorry Edward but you're going to have to call her. Be prepared to feel like an ass for over reacting," Rosalie covers her biting tone with a saccharine smile before driving down the drive.

I need to think about what I'm going to say so I head back inside and climb the stairs to my room. I grab my cell phone and pull up Bella's number. I am too much of a chicken shit to call her so I text her.

_Just got home and I know we need to talk. Call u tomorrow. E _

I hit send before I can put too much thought into it. I didn't even realize how cold it sounded until I get her response.

_Ok…I really am sorry Edward. 3 B_

I want to say more but I can't so I crawl in bed and hope the answers will come to me in my sleep.

_July 26__th__, 2009_

_I waited patiently for Edward to call me but all I got was a cold text message. My heart sinks as I type my response knowing that there is nothing I can do but wait and hope that I haven't pushed him so far away he can't find his way back. After telling Rose what happened she verbally explains in explicit detail what an idiot I am. I love her but sometimes her honesty is quite excruciating. _

_Rose was able to bring some outside perspective that helped me see that by trying to keep Edward in the dark I was only making the both of us miserable for no reason. In fact Rose told me that if Edward wasn't going to run after being stabbed and losing his memory that I was pretty safe to tell him about some silly nightmares. Scary when Jake and Rose are on the same page. Once we were finished I couldn't help but feel stupid for ever doubting Edward or those around me. _

_I felt a weight lifted off of me. For the first time I felt free of James and all the bullshit that happened. I know I still have to make amends with Alice and of course Edward but sitting with Rose, I don't feel as if it's an impossible task. I forgot how much I miss spending time with Rose. I can see that her road back is going to be a long one but she has more strength than she gives herself credit for._

_I watch her drive away to pick up Jasper at the Cullen's and I immediately miss her. Even though I am dreading the talks I have to have, I smile remembering the first weekend of fun I have had in a while. It's nice to be a silly teenager without any cares. It's the way it should be. _

_**^X^**_

_I thought I would get to sleep in with Charlie at work and not being at the Cullen's but the banging on my front door at nine o'clock in the morning tells me I am in no such luck. I ignore it for a minute or two praying whoever it is will go away but today is not my day. I throw the covers off and make my way downstairs. _

_I open the door to see Alice standing on my front porch looking all small and innocent. I give her the stink eye before motioning her inside. I watch as she moves into the living room as the silence engulfs us. I wait for her to say something since she was the one trying to bang down my door but the pixie just stands looking anxious and awkward. _

_Well this is new._

"_What can I do for you Alice?"_

"_You can stop torturing my brother," her tone is angry as she turns on me. At my look of confusion she continues. "This weekend was a complete disaster. I have no idea what happened between you two but I know this has you written all over it."_

"_Wow, tell me how you really feel," I turn my back and make my way to the kitchen with Alice in hot pursuit. _

"_Bella I'm serious. He was a complete wreck, what happened?" Her tone softens as her curiosity shines through. Ah, fishing expedition. _

"_Alice what happened between Edward and I is private. If you want to know, you're going to have ask him."_

"_Is that how it's going to be between us now? I thought I was your best friend." _

_I can hear the pain in her voice and it's hurt me to hear it but at the same time I can't help the anger boiling up in me. _

"_What do you want from me Alice? I mean I get that you're mad but from the moment you got home, all I get is the silent treatment and glares. I even stopped talking to Jazz to appease you. Best friends stick by one another not shut them out. So you tell me Alice, what do you want from me?"_

_The look of shock on her little face quickly gives way to tears. I want to comfort her but I can't move from my place by the counter. I listen to her cry for a few moments before she finds her composure. _

"_I'm sorry Bella. I needed someone to blame and you were just such an easy target. I know it's not your fault, I do and I'm sorry for letting it go this long. I was just so angry and scared and then with Jazz…All he did was talk about you and how you were healing and recovering and I thought…_

"_I know that neither one of you would ever do that to Edward and I but I've been emotionally all over the place. Apparently I have PTSD which I'm seeing someone for but it makes me crazier than I normally am and I am so sorry Bella," her voice breaks as she cries into hands. This time I move to comfort her. _

"_I miss you so much Bella and I hate that I have been such a bitch to you. Please forgive me," I can barely make out her words as she sobs into my shoulder. I can't help my heart from breaking for her. _

_Alice Cullen by nature is the sweetest person on the planet. I mean don't get me wrong, she has her catty moments but for the most part she's sunshine personified. If I didn't love her so much I would want to bury her alive myself. Seeing her so lost and emotionally confused hurts me which is why I had no issue with backing off from Jasper. _

"_Of course I forgive you. I knew you were going through a hard time which is why I backed off. I knew you'd eventually come around," I smile as I hear her sniffle before pulling away and giggling herself. _

"_I don't deserve you but thanks for being…you," her tears are gone and my Alice is back. I can't help but be envious of her emotional whiplash. It must be nice. "So now let's talk about what's going on with you and Edward."_

_Should've known the pixie had ulterior motives and as usual I walk into them every time. One day I really will learn but today, I do need my best friend to help me fix this situation. I know I have some serious damage control to do with Edward and Alice is a great sounding board, less brutal than Rose. _

"_Where do I begin?"_

"_How about with the great car sleep over and how that came to be?" Alice finishes with a sing song voice before pulling me to the couch. Ah the drama of it all. _

_Three hours later after laughs and tears were had; a knock at the door ends mine and Alice's one on one time. I answer the door and can't fight the smile as my favorite southern gentleman gathers me up for a long over due hug. I can't fight the squeal that leaves me as Jasper lifts me off the ground. _

"_I have missed you too much darlin," his voice is low as not to upset Alice. I know until Alice is back to her old self, Jasper and I will walk a fine line. There's no need to make unnecessary waves. _

_I pull back to look at him and I see Rose on the porch. "Hey girlie, how are you?"_

"_Better now that Jazz sprung me from the asylum," Rose watches Jazz make his way over to Alice before giving Alice a slight grimace. "You two work everything out?"_

"_For the most part, she's got some things to work through but we're good."_

"_Thank god, thought I was going to have to hurt small fry. That wouldn't go over too well with the little prince," Rose finishes as she follows me into the kitchen. I grab a few sodas out of the fridge before handing Rosie one. "Speaking of princes, you talk to Edward yet?"_

"_Got a cold text and nothing since, he'll talk to me when he's ready."_

"_I would've thought after he came charging at my car like a bat out of hell yesterday that he'd have been here begged and gone already. Those damn Cullen boys, they sure know how to screw up a situation," Rose's snarl of the Cullen name lets me know Em's going to have quite the fight on his hands. _

"_He'll talk when he's ready; wanna watch a movie with us?"_

"_Sure, just please tell me it's not a romantic comedy. I mean if I have to sit next to Alice and Jasper and watch that, I may vomit."_

"_Yeah no, we're watching Zombieland. Nothing like death and comedy, heard it was really good."_

_Rosie and I join the happy couple as the sodas are distributed and the movie is started. Even in limbo with Edward I can't help but feel somewhat back to normal. I mean I'm home, watching a movie with my friends and actually enjoying myself. If Edward and Emmett were here it would be perfect but I can appreciate what I have right now. _

_The movie is hysterical, I mean even Rose is laughing and by the end all four of us are craving Twinkies, just kidding. Alice has to get home so Jasper takes her while Rosie stays behind to help me make dinner. Jasper is coming back to watch the Mariner game with Charlie. Conversation is light but I can tell Rose has something she needs to say._

"_What is it?"_

"_What are you talking about?" Rose puts a mushroom in her mouth as she turns away from me._

"_Ok, play it that way if you want but I can't help if you don't tell me what's going on," my tone is light so as not to push. I know Rose will attack if she feels threatened; I learned that the hard way. I watch her hem and haw before she finally turns back to me._

"_Alice wants me to spend the night this weekend…I don't," Rosie's voice is a whisper and she's overcome with insecurity. "I don't think I can be around him." _

"_Can I be honest without you trying to cut me up into small pieces?" Normally I would be joking but her temperament these days, not so much._

"_Of course," Rose flips her hair as she braces for what I have to say. I finish the lasagna and put it in the oven before turning to answer her._

"_I know we vaguely touched on this and I think you need to hear his side of the story but Emmett lied to you. There wasn't another girl," I pause to see her reaction before continuing. I can see the disbelief and anger cross her face before she motions me to continue. _

_Well this is progress._

"_Edward and Alice were doing so well that he knew they'd be staying in Chicago longer and he didn't want you at home waiting for him. Alice and Edward tried the same bullshit in one form or another but Emmett really took the cake knowing you'd hate him for cheating on you. When I saw him in Chicago, he was really broken up about it and…"_

"_And what?" Her tone is curious as she takes a step closer to me. _

"_He blames himself for what happened with Royce. I've never seen him so broken. He's been sitting outside your house since you got home wanting to talk to you but his overall guilt keeps him from even entering past your gate." _

_Rose looks like she's been punched in the stomach. I am taken back by her actions since I truly believed she would rejoice in Emmett's guilt, at least about the whole fake kiss debacle. I watch as she moves to the kitchen table before lowering herself into the chair. I watch for a moment before doing anything._

"_Rosie?"_

_I hear the tears before I see them. Rose is hidden behind her golden mane and I move quickly to comfort my friend. She collapses in my arms and I hold her as she cries. My heart breaks for the second time today as words and their consequences wreak havoc on the lives around me. _

"_He'll never want me now B, I'm tainted goods," her anguish voice brings the anger in me. I pull away from her to look in her face. _

"_Rosalie, Emmett Cullen is in love with you. He would never and I mean NEVER think you of you as anything other than the goddess you are," I chuckle as I remember him calling her that. "His words not mine."_

"_You had me worried there for a moment, don't get me wrong I love you and all," the heaviness is lifted as we both begin to laugh. I catch a glimpse of the Rose of old and I miss her but the new Rose is going to need all the support and confidence we can give her. When the laughter dies down, worry comes over Rose's features. "I have no idea how to be around him."_

"_I don't think that's going to be a problem. Between the both of you, the first meeting should be gloriously awkward as all get out," I smile at her as I notice Jasper for the first time waiting outside the kitchen quietly listening in. He gives me a smile before I return it and motion him to come on in. _

"_Something smells damn good in here. It's been too long since I've had your cookin," Jasper smooth words and movement fill the kitchen as Rose collects herself and I move back to the counter to finish up the garlic bread. I can hear Jasper talking to Rose but I tune them out to give them some semblance of privacy. _

_I look out the window and see Charlie pull up in the cruiser. I take out the stuff to finish making up the salad while Rose excuses herself to the bathroom to clean up as Charlie walks in and greets Jazz enthusiastically. I smile at the male bonding as Charlie moves to the kitchen to greet me. It's his new thing, a hug with a kiss to the top of the head. It's a sweet gesture that I am quickly becoming accustomed to. _

"_Smells good Bells," Charlie's voice is bright as he unfastened his belt and secures his weapons. I thank him as he moves to his room to change. I hear him exchange greetings with Rose before she joins us looking like she never shed a tear, oh to be that lucky. _

_Charlie comes downstairs and conversations ensue. I watch as Jazz and Rose talk with Charlie about his day and I'm filled with happiness watching my dad enjoy our company. I know he's missed Jazz and Rose but as usual has been more than understanding. He's actually sad to hear he missed Alice. He's got a real sweet spot for her and I know that Charlie will be happy to know that Alice and I are on the road to recovery. _

_Dinner is served, plates are piled high, laughter is loud and bellies are filled. It's wonderful and I can tell I'm not the only one thoroughly enjoying themselves. The game is getting ready to start so Jasper and Charlie quickly clear the table before washing the dishes. I put the leftovers in a container for Charlie to take to work tomorrow while Rose wipes the table down. In no time the guys are in the living room watching the game as Rosie and I head outside to sit on the porch. _

_Rose and I laugh at the boys as they cheer for their team who by the sounds of it are kicking the Yankees ass. I don't mind baseball but Rose can't stand it, now give the girl some football and it's a whole other story. We don't revisit Emmett or Edward; we keep it light by talking about trips to the city and what she wants to buy for the upcoming school year. _

"_That guy must be lost," Rose laughs as a guy on a motorcycle passes by the house. "He's passed by now three times. I'm flagging him if he passes again, that's just too pathetic. I mean who gets lost in Forks?"_

_We both laugh but as the hair on the back of my neck stand's up. I can't help but feel paranoid, thank you James. I haven't gotten any more creepy notes so I shake it off since the motorcyclist never comes back around. _

_Jazz and Rose leave after the game ends and I'm sad to see them go. I have no idea what I'm doing tomorrow and I'm really starting to hate being by myself. I tell Charlie goodnight as I make my way up the stairs. A shower, some Sense and Sensibility and hopefully a goodnight's sleep and I will be good to go. Before I head to the bathroom I check my phone._

_2 TEXT MESSAGES_

_I hit the button and open the first one. _

_SORRY ABOUT LAST NIGHT. HOPE YOU HAVE A GOOD DAY – E_

_I smile as I open the second message._

_ALICE SAYS YOU GUYS KISSED AND MADE UP. GLAD TO HEAR IT. CAN I SEE U TOMORROW? – E_

_I immediately text my response; I am ready to have this whole misunderstanding behind us. I miss him and the thought of not being able to go over to the Cullen's is really hard. I miss my family and I'm ready to enjoy the rest of the summer together. I wait to see if he's going to respond before heading to the shower. After five minutes I set the phone down to go shower. I move quickly through my routine and return to my room quickly. I immediately move to my phone to have some sort of connection with Edward but there's nothing. _

_I get in bed and grab my book. I hung up Jake's dream catcher and I'm praying that it works. What I wouldn't give to have a peaceful nights sleep. I open my book and get comfortable before I hear Charlie on the stairs. A soft knock before he walks into the room._

"_So you and Alice?" _

"_We had a nice talk today and I think that things between us are much better," I smile to let him know it's the truth. _

"_I'm really glad to hear it. I forgot how much I missed having Jasper and Rose around," he smiles before looking to the ground. "You and Edward make up yet?"_

"_He wants to talk tomorrow."_

"_It'll all work out. Just be honest and you two will be back to normal in no time," his voice is full of wisdom as he gives me a quick smile. _

"_Dad, do you ever think you might, I don't know get out there and meet someone? I hate that you're alone," I smile at him hoping he's taking me seriously._

"_I don't know Bells," his voice is mournful before he gets a wicked glint in his eye. "Do you have someone in mind? I hear Mrs. Newton has a sister." _

_I blanch at the thought of what Mrs. Newton's sister could be like. I mean if she's anything like Mrs. Newton, I might prefer Charlie single. _

"_Mrs. Cope is widowed, I mean she's older than me but I bet she quite the lady," Charlie's eye brows lift a couple of times. _

_He's messing with me. I open my mouth to tell him that I am being serious when he starts laughing. I can't help but shake my head while joining in with his laughter. Charlie moves over to the bed before taking a calming breath. _

"_I'm not interested in a casual relationship. I loved your mother with everything I had and though I do get lonely, if I'm meant to share my life with someone then she'll come around. But for now, you keep me plenty entertained," he chuckles again as he takes my hand in his. "I know I don't say it enough but I'm proud of you Bells and I know if your mom were here she would be as well."_

_I can't fight the pair of tears that fall down my cheek as I lean over to wrap my arms around my dad. I hug on him for a few minutes sending up a silent prayer to whoever is listening to send my dad someone to love and spend his days with. He's too amazing of a person to be alone like he will be in a few years. _

"_I love you dad."_

"_I love you too Bells."_

* * *

**Ahhh nothing like a little father/daughter time. I know, no E & B reunion...that's next chapter but I did give you some Alice and Rosalie. Plus I can't help but have some Charlie time…I just love him! **

**Ok I have some story rec's: Forgettable by Belindella**_**.**_**At 15, I kissed my first crush. At 17, we had sex. Now I'm 19 & passionately in love with him while he & everyone else still thinks I'm an untouched virgin. But he's just moved into my apartment with me, so perhaps there's hope for us yet. It's a good story that's angsty in the beginning but after a few chapters it settles into a really great rhythm. **

**Witness Protection by twicrack83. ****Rebel Bella has been shipped around the U.S. for years to different foster homes after being placed in Child Protective Services. What will happen when she is placed with uptight Edward and his family? I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this story! I will warn you that there is some pretty graphic violence BUT (and this is important) the Cullen's are amazing as usual. Great writing so give it a shot! **

**And last but not least: The Nightingale Journals by kimpy0464. Night nurse Bella Swan blogs about her experiences via "The Nightingale Journals." When Dr. Edward Cullen is named the PICU's newest Fellow, their attraction is undeniable, but they are trying to remain professional. I know there are a lot of medical stories out there but this one is great with a wicked sense of humor! Plus Bella has an unusual love that of course Edward is able to accommodate! **

**As usual if you know a story I should be reading, PLEASE let me know! I love a great story. **

**Leave me some love and I will give you a tease in return! See you next Friday and have a great weekend! **


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